Hello,
I am a girl that now lives a life like any other citizen and do not have any particular horrible family problem — so far, at least. But I have kept on noticing how my brother seems to be mistreated in the house, as I on the other hand kept on being spoiled and cooed with by my parents. I keep thinking it’s very, very unfair for me to have such attention and for him to always be frowned at.
What makes me think he is mistreated is because every single time he voices his opinions, my father and mother both would reply with something snide, sarcastic, or nag or end up lecturing him. I understand that it might help him learn from his mistakes, but it has happened far too often for my comfort, and I know he’s terribly hurt by it.
Secondly, I think he has a problem with trust. He doesn’t seem to rely on us family members much, be it from education or life advice. He really loves to dive into video games and his phone whenever he can, and I have a feeling it’s a strong sign that he is not sure of whom to trust — whom he can confide in, can cry in front of. So he escapes using entertainment. I don’t blame him. Sometimes my parents get mad at us whilst they’re giving us advice or teaching us something. Even I get uncomfortable to talk about my life with them because they do that a lot.
Thirdly, my parents doesn’t seem to move on from the fact that my brother had utterly failed his exam. I mean, I understand how hard it is to know that they’ve spent time and money for my brother’s education and he returns with bad grades, but seriously. Is reminding him of his failure over and over really needed? Is indirectly telling him of how worthless he is a way of good parenting? Is increasing his feeling of inferiority exactly going to magically turn into a source of motivation?
To me, everything looks like they’re trampling on my brother’s feelings. Everything. It hurts me to watch. It makes me feel pathetic and angry at myself for not being able to protect him all these times. It makes me feel a growing hatred at watching my brother get looked down on, whereas I kept on being praised and softly spoken to. I hate it. I hate it that I am also the reason why he has to go through such things. I hate how I don’t know how to help him.
I thought that this might be a form of mild emotional abuse, so I decided to want to stop this and seek for advice. Please help. I know how it feels to think everyone hates you, to think that you’re better off dead. I know how it feels, so I’m scared of having my brother go through self-hatred. He could be pushed in a corner at this very moment, criticizing himself all the while. I’m scared he’ll try to hurt himself. I don’t want that to happen. He’s annoying sometimes, but he’s a very lovable person.
I want to help him, yet I haven’t done anything. I will try to change this situation.
I’m sorry if this was not exactly the right place to ask for advice on how I can help him.
2 comments
Wow.. It’s a shame that you have to be the grown up about this all.. I personally think your parents NEED to SEE for themselves what they are doing to their own children.. Obviously your afraid too. I hate to tell you to do this, but, you need to video tape them.. Do you have a galaxy?? Or, even with your phone place it in the area where this most frequently happens and your phone should have a good video/camera on it.. Stand it up and press the record button and let it rip.. When you get the footage you need, compile it all.. Sit your parents down and FIRST show them YOUR eloquently, may I add, written letter for help for your brother and then just let them see what site it is.. Right there they should be scared!! Then go into the footage you worked hard to get. If your parents are good people, which I think they are, they won’t be angry! They will thank you for all your love and support for your family.. Your worried and righfully so.. Hate to say that sometimes people NEED to see it for themselves.. Good luck sweetie..
Thank you very much for this advice… I am really grateful. I haven’t tried this method yet as the situation slightly got better by itself; or so I thought. If there are signs on it worsening, I will try to do my best to do as you told.
My parents can be quite unreasonable sometimes so there might be negative reactions… But worth a try, yeah?
Again, thank you so very much.