I just had a friend tell me that it takes on average 3-6 months for someone to get a new job. I was fired on November 20th and have been on 11+ interviews with only one offer and it was for something I didn’t feel safe doing. I’m not even having the suicidal car crash fantasies but I ache right now. I see a therapist in about a week for an intake appointment and then maybe in a month I’d see a new psychiatrist for a med adjustment, but I know I need to go to the hospital. I just promised my husband that I’d wait on the hospital until I see the therapist. I just don’t know how much longer I can hold on for. I’m making 25% of my previous salary on unemployment and still way closer to my husband’s salary that I’d like to admit. I have my kitties, and they’d miss me horribly, not to mention they’d hate my husband and blame him for my absence. I don’t always cry, but when I do – it’s like opening a stop-gap. I want to hang on. I do. There’s nothing fun about dying. There’s no Taco Bell – I only imagine darkness. I feel like a pathetic white girl with first world problems. I have heat, light, a car and an apartment. But crying makes me nauseous. It’s an awful feeling. I just want this to stop. I barely got over being depressed in October. If I go to the hospital, the nurses are going to wonder what’s wrong with me. Situations make me depressed and that’s alright but I always think that I can take it. I don’t know where I’m going next Wednesday.
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Going to the hospital is not a bad thing if you feel you need it. That’s what they are there for. The nurses wont wonder what’s wrong with you. Last year I was hospitalized 8 times. One of the times I was discharged and back in within 2 weeks. Your husband will understand why you are going early if it’s to that point where you feel being out is not safe for your state of mind.
However if you feel you will be ok holding off, then please do. I will tell you that if you do go to the hospital, when they discharge you, within I believe 1 week they must see you outpatient for counseling and within 30 days to see the psychologist. When you leave the hospital will have already set you up with appointments and all you have to do is show up. Also while inpatient they will help you get set up on meds and stabilize you.
So I would talk it over with your husband and between you two, decide if you should go or stay.
It’s funny, because I bet it won’t even surprise the nurses. Part of the reason I was in the hospital in October was because my job stressed me out. I was in the hospital for a week and then day program for 3, and I came back to a mess at work. I spent all of November cleaning up after people only to get fired!
I can sense the utter anguish in your words. What is most prevalent though is that what others think about you is important. The reality is, it isn’t. I am guilty of giving other people way too much control over me and then I end up with a lot of crap to live up to and tons of imposed pressure. You don’t need that. You need and deserve to be loved and respected for who you are, not judged by what you are.
The nurses already know you need care if you go to the hospital. And if that is what you need then do it. Is your husband expecting or worse, demanding that you work? If the pressure to work right now is purely financial you know you can work things out and live on one salary plus your unemployment for a while – at least until you can get some help.
I sense you need to take some time for yourself. Maybe what you were doing was hard on you. If you must work and earn income you should figure out what you really love to do and then a way to earn money doing it will follow. I just feel strongly you need to take the pressure off and be at peace with yourself without being forced to meet a lot of external expectations.
At least consider what you need and let those in your life know so they can support you. The person you most need to be concerned with, love and care for is you. And if the people in your life won’t lift a finger to help you then it’s time to seek out those that can and will care for you.
– peace
There’s a pride issue I didn’t bring up…I’m a nurse myself. The nurses at the hospital never seem to mind and we actually get along well.
I feel under a lot of pressure because my husband makes significantly less than I ever will, but he does something he loves and I can’t stop that. He’s not demanding that I work but I love being the breadwinner. I’m still somehow in charge of the finances, but that at least gives me a sense of control.
The demand for nurses are so high that you will find a job. Apparently its going to take a lot longer then you want, but its an employers market and the employers are taking full advantage of it. I’m in the disability process, but when I tried looking for work I had the same issue of going on interviews and nothing coming from it. The good you have going for you is you are on unemployment and your husband works. My husband gets under 750.00/mo from his disability and I have been fighting my disability for over 5 years now. My point is even tho you’re down, you do have positive things going for you.
Hope my words are helping at least a little.