Ok. So umm, I have this 2 years with depression and I just realize the fact that I saved my friend’s life and they didn’t care when I tried to kill myself. So I think this is all fucked up. All this system I mean wtf people! Why are they so hypocrites? Oh my god. I’m not saying that’s why I tried to kill myself because I do have my reasons, but they knew and they didn’t care, and I just realize that. and it makes me sad, because they knew how lonely I felt and I feel, and they know about everything and I tried to call them when I had those breakdowns and they just ignored me
.WTF IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE! (I’m not saying everyone’s like this).
And right now I’m in this shitty hospital all by my own, alone in this shitty white room with no good tv shows and can’t take more pills because I don’t have access to them because I’m in a STUPID HOSPITAL. Oh, and I just find out that I am bisexual so I don’t know what’s really happening like I feel confused.
4 comments
Sadly when you are in fucked up situations like that you find out who your friends are. I don’t know about others situations, but in most cases i realized i had no friends at all. I remember a nurse saying “don’t let your supposed friends know, they won’t care or make you feel worse” when i last attempted, so i’m guessing it happens often. Sadly, the fact that you’ve helped people and cared about them doesn’t mean they have to do it back, even if you think it would be decent thing to do.
As for being bisexual, how do you find that out while on a hospital? in any case it’s not uncommon or life wrecking… it just is.
It’s funny ’cause I met this girl, so she is depressed like me and she is lesbian so It just happens and I like it so I think it means I’m bisexual? oh my god I don’t know I’m just trying to forget all the shitty thing I’ve been through saying stupid things
Might be that you just feel empathy towards her because you both relate in your condition and get each other. Either way… yeah, don’t over think it, because even if you were there’s actually nothing wrong with that (imho). Just be careful to confuse feelings, specially in the state you are now. I remember waking up on the hospital in one of my attempts and the confusion of being there alone was enough to give me a panic attack (which i don’t usually have).
Ah this moderation. I don’t feel like waiting, so:
“Hi, Helena. I’ve been reading your post for the latest while and I can relate to your situation. Ignored by parents, ignored by friends, oh, I know it too well.
suicideproject . org / author / koralik
Here’s my page. The password is nyan123. If you’d like to look at my twaddling, maybe you could find something for yourself. It’s not only a story about being suicidal, but also about finding the hope… If you try to read from December, you’d see me in the same situation you’re now, in a psych ward. Our histories are (perhaps) different, but somehow I strongly find myself in your words.”