Hey all,
I found this site after I googled mania and how to sleep. Obviously nothing I found helped cause I’ve been reading posts all night.
I wanted to share my suicide experience and hopefully change someones mind or help them see the point in struggling and fighting through life. I have shared a lot about myself and feel comfortable with what I have divulged. Maybe my experiences are similar or maybe they shed light on mental illness and how it affects yourself and others. Maybe what I have confessed will give you the courage to speak openly with your friends and family and seek help from a professional. And hopefully it will show you that our actions and the actions of others, can be forgiven, spoken about and forgotten.
I’ve noticed a few consistent respondents and that is encouraging to see. Our comments may not change the world, but they may change and influence those that seek guidance or even a place they feel they belong. The older members on this site could be a wealth of knowledge and should be utilised where possible. The replies I have read have been respectful and relevant and have provided good insight. Nice to see people looking out for one another.
I wish you all the best and good fortune in your future endeavours.
Remember, nothing is right until the end and its not the end if all is not right.
5 comments
One thing I have learned is that you cannot shift a person who has no desire to shift….
The ones that want help….that earn for understanding…
Those people can be helped…and you can’t assume when you read.
True. But those that post messages or seek answers aren’t always suicidal. They are contemplating thoughts of self harm, a way out of pain and suffering, they can be spoken with and reasoned with because they seek replies or opinions. If they were serious, they wouldn’t be on here. They are at the point where they could go either way. I’ve been there and the decision to wait before attempting and attempting immediately can be altered or shifted by any random quote or anything really.
Most people on here sound quite young. The idea that they wish to end their life so early is sad. They will miss out on so much and they can’t see that past their pain. Responses from older posters could help them see that a future beyond their current suffering is more than possible and happiness could be found once they have overcome whatever obstacle they are facing. To finish school and start working or uni, leave your home town and explore what’s out there and what opportunities they have. The world is there for the taking and these young people should be given hope and not apologised to when they decide to end it and not encouraged to take the easy way out.
I’ve noticed a lot of triggers for these thoughts are based on other people, broken relationships. Some with kids. You should never let another person dictate your mood and drive you to suicide. You’re going to have bad relationships and good, you’re going to lose ones you love and they will betray you, unfortunately that’s part of life. You can’t control others and you will get hurt. There are plenty of people in the world and you will always meet new people, if you stay out there. Learn from your experiences and move on.
I know its not easy, I was only able to do this once I started treatment, but most of you are diagnosed and are able to move on, use therapy to help, lean on friends. If you have kids then you need to give up your own needs for theirs. Hard to hear, but honest. Your little girl needs her dad to protect her, keep her warm and be there when she needs it. Your son needs a role model to show him how to be a man, how to treat a lady and how to look after himself. If you killed yourself and left your daughter here alone, she is going to struggle with daddy issues all her life and be used and abused by opportunists. How many step-dads touch their step-children? You need to be there to protect her from that.
My mates daughter put a fathers day card on his grave. I miss you so so so so so so so so so so so much daddy. I love you. He should be here looking after her and showing her values and teaching her principles.
I hope no one takes offence to the not serious part, but its true. You’re here for support, comfort, understanding and acceptance. There’s nothing wrong with that, it means there is hope that you will continue to fight. Hopefully someones words will help motivate you to keep on.
I really had to think about how to respond to this. You make it sound like suicide is absurd and that the people who want to harm themselves are misunderstood and mentally ill. You would say it’s a permanent solution to a temporary problem.
I have tremendous empathy toward those who want to die. Sometimes in life we reach a “limit” , or a trench with no bridge to cross it, or fall into a pit with no hope of getting out. Some people wake up one day or gradually come to realize that life is pointless and unimportant (me).
I don’t know…am I wrong? Am I right…? I can’t understand why I’m here…and thinking about it puts me in a horrible place… It’s like finding yourself in this large sandbox playing with children’s toys. And at some point you become aware and ask yourself the big question: why?
It’s been almost about an hour since I started writing this… Seriously….What made you change your mind about suicide? Why did you choose life? Why do you believe it’s worth it?
Now is a time where I haven’t chosen life.
I’ve been up all night getting more and more depressed. More and more down on myself. I’ve had a terrible week and it reflects how I feel now. If I went to sleep I would be happy not to wake. I want to disappear and never be seen from again. I’m being selfish and not taking the consideration of others to heart. I want to die.
Its 0520, hopefully the sun will rise soon and these thoughts will pass. I don’t have a plan or definite thoughts, but I’d be happy to pass away right now.
I can’t find solace in my music, I can’t see the humour in family guy, I can’t see the point in living and fighting. I feel like I’m constantly being dropped and I keep getting up just to be knocked down again.
I’ve had plans to drop off the grid and vanish for a long period of time. I feel frustration and anger build inside. I feel the dark clouds surround me and my headaches are worsening. I have no fight left, but I’m hoping the sun will give me a new lease on life.
I wish I was someone else, I wish I could forget myself. I need something to keep me hanging on.
I’m sorry if it read like that, but I don’t think suicide or those that contemplate it to be absord at all. I know they are misunderstood because only a small percentage of ‘us’ have been in that head space where the only solution is death. Not all are mentally ill, but a vast majority are. There are usually a few contributing factors when thoughts of suicide begin, financial difficulty and mental illness, grief, loss and paranoia, loss, rejection and mental illness, and so on. But depression alone or mental illness isn’t the main or sole reason people take their own lives.
I used to be watching TV, something will come on that reminds me of one of my kids, I feel helpless over the difficult situation we are all currently in, I get down, I think of my future, it looks bleak, thoughts of suicide creep in and I want to die because I hate seeing my kids upset or down.
You’re not wrong at all. We are here to help understand our thoughts, get opinions from others with similar ideas and feel we belong. Reading the posts helps me forget about my own problems and try to give others examples and experiences that I have lived through or dealt with. Try not to think why you’re here but emorse yourself in other peoples struggles and share your own experiences and assist if you feel you can.
Why are we born? Its a deep and never ending question that wastes time pondering. Time better spent doing what you love.
It took a good 18 months plus to get to my way of thinking, and was only reached by medication and therapy. My moods wouldn’t reach those dark lows or ecstatic highs anymore. I chose life for my kids. Their wants and needs way surpass mine. They need a dad, a role model and I can’t take that from them.
Also, I lost it all. Great job, money, family, security and before I could blink, I was living in my car. I won’t go into detail, but from there I refused to rely on anyone else, cause when it really came down to it, there was nobody. I picked up and started again. It was the basic instinct that kicked in and forced me to fight. I hadn’t felt that for a very long time.
I still had two attempts from there. One was for help, I needed to be hospitalised and have close supervision to help with a diagnosis and the second was serious, but failed. I felt pretty silly standing there with a sheet wrapped around my neck.
Treatment started and after some time and trial and error with my meds, I got to a place where I don’t have the cycles from extreme to extreme. I get low, depressed, but I have procedures that I follow to help stop the thoughts, same with my highs.
My friend who killed himself was a wake up too. I was already in a daze of depression and had been for months, then I received the news and I broke down. For a while I was on autopilot and just coasted through the emotions, then I was left with the dark clouds again, but this time I had the stress, guilt and greif of a sudden death. I wanted to die, there was no out for me, but when I was forced to leave the house and live rough, my only thought was survival. Seeing his grave, his daughters card, his parents and family, it made me consider my own family. I couldnt put my mum through that.
Now the thoughts are gone, thanks to meds, and even though I have the lows, no motivation, no confidence, anxiety and panic attacks, I try not to dwell on what’s been and focus on what could be.
I’m now studying, applied for an internship overseas and am in the best relationship I could dream of. I couldn’t have done it without professional help. I also have support who tell me when I’m slipping and get me to change my thought process.
Life is still a challenge, but I have the skills to get over them and move on. We have one spin round on earth, so I’ve decided to make it an adventure. Experience all that life has to offer and going back for more. I hit rock bottom and clawed my way back up. All that effort won’t be wasted by ending my life now. I’m still in financial hardship, but I direct my thoughts elsewhere.
I chose life because there is a lot to explore and experience around the globe. Why is it worth it? Because its not worth putting loved ones in a state of despair over my choice to kill myself. Its not worth not being here to protect my kids like a hawk. I play guitar again, surf, exercise, I’ve had a second chance and I may as well stick it out and see what happens.
I feel for those that are trapped in violence and sexual assault, with family or their spouse. I can empathise and feel for their situation, but even with such a grim chapter in life, things can get better. Sometimes they do, sometimes not, but you should at least try. Failure is good, we need to fail. You fail at every opportunity you don’t take, so better to try and fail then not even give it a go.
Even with such a long reply, I still don’t feel I’ve explained enough. Hope it answers your questions and explains my earlier comment. Suicide is not absurd.