Am i finally done yet??

So, to make this simple, i fucking hate myself. I am not (and will never be) content with who i am. Nothing is actually wrong with me, i would just thoroughly enjoy killing myself. I am only posting this to relieve myself of hatred, or at least attempt to. I don’t care for sympathy. I do not want help. Nothing will ever stop these thoughts, no matter what anyone tells you. I have more friends in my head than i do in real life, simply because we share the same interests; death. The absolute ONE reason i am still alive is my boyfriend. I don’t know if he’s just drunk, or if he really wants to leave me. Yes, he knows all about my problems. I think he’s finally realized what a lost cause i am. I’m not even allowed to self harm anymore, he won’t allow it. The only idea keeping me here is the two, maybe three people it might affect if i disappear.. my father, boyfriend, and rarely heard of best friend. That’s all i’ve got. Pills, cutting, writing, therapy, confessions, don’t help. It isn’t possible as far as i’m concerned. So the real question is, do i finally go?.. or continue to live in misery and hatred?