I am 21 y.o girl in engineering unversity. I don’t know what to do. I don’t know when this is all started. I want to talk about this to someone but I trust nobody. I think they won’t take my story seriously.
I always feeling lonely. I used to have bestfriend in elementary school, but she bad-talking me behind my back. I hate her. I tried to make a new bestfriend, but I didn’t find anyone who can understand me. I started my junior high school life. I tried again to make a new bestfriend. I did find one and last for 3 years, until before the graduation. She got boyfriend and started to go away from me. So I left alone, with friend. I hardly to make friend with someone. I hate making interactions with people because I think people will always hurt me. I started my senior high school life. Before I tried to make friends, one of my class mates (girl) accussed me seducing her boyfriend whom I talked to because of our hobby in photoshop. She said that in facebook group. I can’t even be angry because I was tired of angry at people. So, I choose to be alone till the end of my first year. I went to the second year with totally different people in my class. I brave myself to make at least one friend. And I did. She was a popular girl among boys and girls. I don’t know why she wanted to be my friend. We became deskmate till the graduation. But I don’t think her as myy bestfriend because she wasn’t there when I need someone beside me.
Finally it was the time for me to go to the university. I really love sports. I hate studying. I didn’t want to go to the university and just taking some cooking class or joining some sports club. I really want to be an athlete, but my parents against it. So I end up going to an engineering university. This stressed me out. Like crazily!!! I don’t think I will survive in this university. I don’t think I will get a job from this major because I don’t enjoy this major. Now I’m in the 3rd year and I have no friends. When there’s a group task, I left alone. When we’re doing the group task, they always ignore me like I don’t exist. Nobody will ever understand me. I don’t think my family understand me, either. There’s nobody ever like me. I don’t think I will be able to get married someday. I started to push everybody away. I alawys lock myself up in my room. I don’t know what to do with my life. I just so depressed. I just need someone who really understand me and can be there whenever I need someone. I am so lonely…
I found this site and I just want to share everything that I can’t share with anybody. I don’t want to commit suicide. I really want to have a better life, but never works whenever I tried to make it. I just wish I could be someone else. I wish I could have someone. I wish I could follow my passion as my carreer. I just wish this is just a bad dream.
ps : sorry for my bad english.
7 comments
Hi there 21yogirl, i use steam alot myself great place make new friends only need to play a game or two. If you live in the us, theres a good chance you’d meet someone living near you. One of my friends meet his gf this way 🙂
Apart from that, writings good if you enjoy writing. Can always setup a free blog if you wanted too. This site runs on wordpress which offers free accounts. I get the whole thing about doing what your parents want, luckyly my parents were never like this but i know people i grew up with that had parents like this and yeah they didn’t enjoy not being able to make their own education choices. Being well old enough myself to be a parent *not one yet* i can understand why some parents might wanna do this but maybe its my generation i dunno i dont think its really the best thing to do for your kids. Better to see what they like and let them choose. It sucks but when living under your parents roof always gotta do what they say. I learnt this too many times lol.
Anyway if your not familiar with what steam is you could download it and try it out here http://store.steampowered.com/
there are even free games to play.
btw sorry about your friend, i had to call it quits with atleast 3 close friends recently so i know how hard that is. Sometimes people just change.
Thanks a lot for giving some advices, outsidethinker. I did make a blog, but I don’t think I will be able to tell the truth in my blog so I delete it. And I REALLY HATE STUDYING. I prefer doing sports all day than studying for 2 hours. So I really can’t enjoy myself in university now 🙁 Oh and about my friends, I don’t event want to think about them anymore. And I already give up making bestfriend anymore. Yeah, I’ll try steam later. Thanks anyway 🙂
Hello. I just read your story and let me tell you how brave you are for sharing it online. You are not alone. I know it might seem as if there is no one you can trust or talk to, believe me- there is. You just have to find the courage to let someone in. Sometimes the right people never come in time. Don’t loose hope for other people, we are not the same. There are ”friends” who betray, talk behind our backs. Life introduces us to all kinds of people, we just have to get trough it. Okay? I’m sure you will find someone to trust. Give it some time. I don’t know you, but I consider you a good person. See? I already trust you. I can’t control what other people do to me, but if someone hurts me, I know there is someone who wouldn’t do that. Never loose hope. You love sports? I love sports as well! Have you got any dreams? Is it somehow related to sports? I understand, it’s hard. You are doing it for your parents, not for yourself. You can finish university and try doing what you love. Maybe it will work, who knows? You never really know until you try it. Don’t give up, okay? Stop being afraid of meeting new people, letting them in. You won’t learn unless you try. We all fall. When a kid falls, he cries…but then he gets up and starts again. Try talking to your parents, explain what you want. Don’t be afraid. You are strong, I’m proud of you.
Thanks for trusting me 🙂 But I haven’t met person who won’t leave me alone 🙁 I once let someone in recently and I already told her this story, she said “Don’t worry, you still have me.” It’s like one sided friendship. It’s always me who looking for her and telling her my story. She never contacts me first and never tell me her story. So I decided to stop contacting her before she contacts me first AND she hasn’t contacted me since then. That really breaks my hearts 🙁 🙁 🙁 I love indoor-soccer. Do you know? I have a dream to be in the national team. But that’s too impossible. It’s not like I am that great to be in national teams. I already told my parents about what I want 3 times I think, but nothing changes. I’m struggling in the university till now, but I AM REALLY TIRED OF PEOPLE HERE 🙁 🙁 🙁
I actually know what your talking about there. Had one sided friendships before, i have fewer friends in my life now but the ones i do have now sometimes contact me first. Friendships are meant to be give and take, so yes anyone that says their your friend but really doesn’t have time for you should give them the flick.
You really do learn who your friends real friends are over time. Here’s an idea if you can manage it finish your study’s then take up a sports career lol. heh, i’d prob be a terrible parent 😛
Your welcome 🙂
Ignored – I know that feeling. Maybe you should ask your friend about it? You’re saying that you are usually the one to write first. What if your friend thinks you don’t want to talk? Try to talk to her. Explain the situation. Oh, soccer. That’s good! Why is it impossible? Don’t think that way. You can do this if you work hard. Believe in yourself. I’m sorry to hear about your parents. You just have to stay strong and keep on moving. You are not alone.
Outsidethinker – Haha. Your advice is pretty good. You’d be a nice parent.