it seems everything i do now is just for attention, however i can’t tell. Am i just lying to myself and others? Am i making things up and actually fooling myself? am i really doing everything i have done for her? do i really love her? could i ask the same about my past relationships? was it my fault they ended? did i do something wrong? am i the reason my best friend is so suicidal and depressed, who is now losing her life slowly because she overdosed? is it me? or others? why does life and nature have such a cruel yet realistic cycle of bullshit? so many things that have happened can be questionable whether it is or isn’t your fault…….I’m sorry to the people whose lives i ruined and decimated through my selfishness and thoughtless actions.
Everything would be okay if i was with her, if i could somehow show her how i feel about her rather then explaining in words which i am not so good at doing. shes such a difficult girl to understand to most, i seem to understand a lot of her just not her heart which i just wish. i wish i never hesitated the moment when she did actually share that same feeling but never told me.