… reading about all those people killing (or wanting to) themself makes me everyday sadder… why? why are you doing it? is it possible that there is no way to avoid it? I’m sure there is a way. I don’t even know who those people are… I don’t even know if they really did it… I don’t even know why… but I feel the weight of others decisions on myself… why? Maybe it is because I would save everyone… maybe because I think that it is a waste, a complete waste of hopes and dreams… or maybe because since that day, when I had the chance to save her life, that I can’t avoid asking myself too many questions. What if I didn’t save her? What if I saved someone else? Was it really the best thing to save her? Why it was me to “have to save her”? Is it right to change people’s destiny? Why her and not someone else? Why me? Will it happen again? I don’t know…
… every night I can’t avoid asking myself those things… why? … like an incessant nightmare I can’t stop asking myself… I can’t stop this infinite monologue.
-did you save her?
-yes, I did…
-are you sure it was the right thing?
-I don’t know…
-are you sure the she deserved while others don’t have that chance?
-I don’t know…
-you saved her, what does upset you?
-… her life is my fault, like it would have been her death… no one should be in that situation… probably…
…even if it was not my fault if she was about to die, I shouldn’t have changed her destiny… or maybe not… I don’t know… I don’t know what to thing… except repeating myself… “did you saved her?” … dammit I DID IT! STOP ASKING ME… i did it…
14 comments
People who consider it, don’t all and not always want it for certain.
There’s a whole different story to each of them.
How can saving someone ever be a wrong thing to do?
I don’t believe in destiny;
But, if you did end up saving her, isn’t that destiny?
If her ‘destiny’ was to die, it could be that she wouldn’t have even listen to you (or wouldn’t have met you? i don’t know who you’re talking about so i can’t really know).
Don’t worry too much about the “why”. It will drive you crazy.
Everything has a lot behind it and it’s not always easy to get an answer to the question why.
It is hard to describe “destiny”… I don’t believe in the religious meaning of destiny but as the one we build. To save someone changing his/her destiny means to change his/her decision and so changing other’s destiny. Just an example on what happened to me: I saved her and since I changed her destiny she made someone suffer very, very much… we, who live those experience, are the “destiny”… if that night I decided not to take seriously her “suicide” (like someone else, instead, did…) things would have been different… I was the destiny that night… and I chose that… for her… and others… and me…
… and again… I saved her… but why? … I did it, damn… but I feel that decision like a burden…
I have a hard time understanding the concept, so please forgive me.
But i still don’t think you changing her decision changed any sort of destiny. Whatever happens, happens.
Well, you did what you did, the rest is her choice and her burden to bare.
Don’t worry too much about it, there’s no point in it.
Well if you did change destiny then I hope it was for the better. Or did your choice actually serve as a trigger for another choice. Perhaps you actually created the very path that you were trying to save herself from.
This destiny stuff gets too complicated if you think about it too much. I’ll leave you with a quote from the Last Samurai
Katsumoto: You believe a man can change his destiny?
Algren: I think a man does what he can, until his destiny is revealed.
You sound like my ex friend, Emanuele. I was saved by him; now he probably regrets it.
I was going more for Oedipus Rex and the tragedy that befell him by trying to avert destiny. His very actions in order to avoid destiny are what cause him to fulfill his destiny.
okay, I will give you just a little opinion or insight or whatever you want to call it from the other perspective but chalk it up to only that. My opinion. This doesn’t mean that it applies to everyone on my side of the coin or everyone in my situation it is only what I have experienced and how I feel.
So, she was dying, or gonna die or did die. Whichever it was, you decided to step in and help out. That is somewhat of a downfall that the human species has in a drive and determination to live. Our heart beat and our breathing are involontary and therefore not something that we can just decide to so or not to. If we do in fact decide that we wish for those functions to cease from working for us, we have to take a physical action to do so. When we do, our bodies naturally fight against it and it is therefore not an easy thing to do.
IF in fact someone has decided that this is what they want and they take an intentional action to do so, it is not any one persons responsibility to step in . If they do however, it should not be something that anyone feels guilty about. Humans are also very selfish beings and we have been programmed to believe that without certain people who play significant roles in our lives we would not be able to go on. So we do what we feel is right at the moment.
It is impossible to tell if they would have been better off dying. No one will ever know execpt for that one person. It is only up to them to decided what the right move should have been. But you must also think about this, just because they felt it was the wrong decision one day,it doesn’t mean that they will think or feel like it was the right decision the next.
Just know that if you saved her, which it is pretty aparent that you did, you did what was right in that very moment. If there is a destiny or fate or whatever you wanna call it, then that is what happened no matter what it was “supposed” to be. If there is no destiny or fate or whatever, then you did what was right for the time it happened and you should carry no guilt or regret for your actions.
To me it sounds as though you are surviver of a suicidal relationship or you had a family member that you lent a helping hand to. Either way, all you can do is live in the now and do what is right or what feels right for today. If you still feel guilty, go to that person and perhaps say sorry. See what their reaction is and go from there. If anything, it will give you the closure you need from the situation and you can move on from the experience.
Do not be saddened by the feelings and thoughts that you find here, you cannot save the world but you can find some comfort perhaps in knowing that if it werent for the people that started this website, a lot of us would be gone by now and that your feedback and views are appreciated.
Hang in there and stay on the brighter side of life.
~cheers
Destiny put simply is shit that’s going to happen no matter what, like death. We’re all going to die one way or another, and suicide is just one way people die. It’s not destiny, it’s a choice. At least to me it is. Living just becomes unimportant or undesirable for us. We outgrow the sandbox.
You also can’t make someone stay who doesn’t want to stay. “Was it really the best thing to save her?” Depends on how strongly she wanted to leave, how bad her pain was, how many times she’s attempted before, whether she can be helped…your call.
@DuZo
… yes, I know… there isn’t much to do… …
@Ryder
“You also can’t make someone stay who doesn’t want to stay”. You are perfectly right on this but many times people don’t know what they are doing… we want something, then we forget everything else, then we act without sense… so when things are going too far to simply come back on their own, YOU may become someone’s destiny.
@LittleBead
In your short message I noticed 3 strange things: “ex friend”, “I was saved” and “regrets”.
Why? Are you one of those who used their “second chance” to make someone suffer?
I was just thinking about this… if you get your “destiny” changed what’s wrong and what’s right? Should you act like before? or should you change everything and start a totally different life?
… that said… I still don’t understand those people who use their “new life” to damage others… you shouldn’t even be here… is it possible that you learned nothing? … nothing… her actions are MY actions now… if she does something it is because I allowed it… when you are not supposed to do anything else, why are you DOING the worst possible?
I’m not. I’m free and I didn’t hurt anyone at all. Except that I saved myself from being manipulated and stalked. And the truth about some people was revealed. He claims that nobody deserves to die, but after his hateful messages I’m not so sure.
Can I ask you what “she” is doing? I mean, the bad things?
… well… she wanted to die because of her “boyfriend” because he didn’t love her (typical teenager story… ) and now she wants to show everyone how beautiful her life is… but forcing things and giving everyone a bad and false image of herself… just to give few examples:
-she was “alone” before -> now she is looking for “real friends”… but the conclusion is that she is meeting only bad guys who are hurting her or giving her bad examples (like use of drugs etc.)
-she was his “girlfriend” before -> now she has “many boyfriend”… she thinks that to have many is cool but what she is doing is “use them, then crawl back to worship the first one”. One of these guys is a friend of mine and he really did everything to see her happy and allow her to forget that idiot… but it ended that “he was just another toy” to justify that she now is free, that she can have all the “bf” she wants… just an illusion…
-I tryied myself to give her some help but it ended up that “no one understands” her but “him”… the truth is that everyone understand her EXCEPT him… but she is too blind to see that… she still believe in true love…
I saved her and now she is making some real good guys suffer and doing everyday bad things… like with her parents… I don’t regret what I did… I regret the choice I had… why did I save her? To see her do bad things? To see her die again? To see her become another of those whores I see everyday? why? WHY?
I don’t want to enter in your personal story but how is it possible that the same one who saved you wanted to manipulate you? or maybe he/she was another person? To “save” someone is not like to say “I love you”… you could say that to everyone but to save someone means that you care very much, too much for a person… that you can’t even imagine the world without that person… he/she could just be a name for many but for you HE/SHE is the only one… I find really hard that someone who save his/her beloved can do anything of bad to that person, it wasn’t a “random decision” you had but more… indescribable… maybe this is what I missed… I didn’t save her for love… she was just a friend… and I had a choice to make… so again… why me? … why her… why…
You’re just making yourself suffer over nothing.
There’s a lot of bad people who act the way she does (and much much worse) in tons out there.
One more, one less. Doesn’t make a difference.
I know you cared about her and it hurts you to see it turn that way, but now it’s her choices and her fault.
Just leave it and forget about her, and move on, as hard as it might be.
you are right dude… just forget… I did something… now it is all her fault… she should grow up and learn what life really is… unfortunately some people have a really strange vision of things.
Help them = Hurt them
Ignore them = Help them
… I just hope that she will not do something of dangerous once again… … I should forget… I have to forget… somehow… thank you.
I am getting paranoid…just like I heard Emanuele. His distorted version of my story. If it’s you, Emanuele, write an e-mail to me.
It’s possible. The guy who tried to force me to change my mind was the one who saved me from my death. He claimed he loved me, unfortunately, after a bunch of offensive messages from him I need to tell that he didn’t, what’s obvious coupled with his calling me *****. Also, he was stalking me on this site.
Everybody has the right to stay alive, and you’re rather a hero than the perpetrator.