It was June 2013 and a friend recommended me to a self help workshop called world works. It was a cult. They used sleep deprivation and yelling techniques to control 30 of us in a room with limited breaks. There a 3 levels of the program and I reached level 2. I quit after that but they were still bothering me writing nasty texts and kept calling me. They were awful and tried to make you feel terrible. My friend asked me whats the matter. I thought not talking about would make it go away and it didn’t. I felt like I was being followed by the government and having my mind being read. As the summer rolled on the stress was getting unbearable. I also moved in September thinking it would help and only made matters worse. I was getting insomnia and lasted for months. While I was moving out of the new place I lost weight and weighed 119 pounds. I went home for thanksgiving and my parents thought I was on drugs. I might as well have been at that point just for the pain to go away. I went back there to the place that I was living in and attempted to commit suicide. I was at a hotel and was going to throw myself outside the window and thought that would be in the news. The other was hanging myself in the hotel but I decided to overdose on my roommates prescribed meds. I was unconscious for 3 days. When I woke up there was a security guard making sure I wouldn’t harm myself. The next day I ended up in a psychiatric ward. I felt like that they were government people posing as patients. It was scary and then I moved back home with my parents. I felt like World works changed my life for the worse and now I am seeing a psychiatrist and psychologist. I wish everyday that I never said yes to my friend. Now I am living with what they diagnosed as schizophrenia. I live with this new reality everyday and it is hard to find a job, have a healthy relationship with a woman and trying to live on my own. What I do now is volunteer and also help raise funds for NAMI(National alliance of mental illness) I don’t want this new reality to define me. Hopefully there are brighter days ahead and realize it is tough but I am not going to that dark place again and try to stay positive.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
4 comments
I would like to discuss this whole cult thing further with you. If you are open to that let me know in reply.
thanks
I went along to a cult once. A similar experience of emotional intensity… Introduced by a friend.
I avoided that place for 7 years… Eventually went back. Things had changed they learned not to single people out.
Its one of these communes, lots of people live there. I only go for out side organised events. Not for there own teachings- it’s too weird. Being forced into a space with the person you like least etc.
I can’t say they’re a true cult though as they have lots of outside organised parties at there venue. People come and go and it’s not overly expensive.
However they do target people with depression or the morning after the night befor and the meditation sessions are very weird. People swear directly at you and shout all sorts of hurtful profanities… After that they go crazy, laugh, cry and tell you they love you. It’s all messed up.
Sounds a bit like the Osho cult Quiry. I feel for you OP, I had bad experiences in a BUddhist organisation I later recognised as a cult. There can be a tremendous appeal to cults for young people who feel somewhat lost confused and maybe lonely. I have bipolar illness quite severely, so I relate to the struggle you are facing, and I’m glad to hear about your work for NAMI, I have done similar things many times over the years in my own country.
For those of us genuinely unable to get a job due to symptoms and a history of mental illness, it is a big challenge to continue to keep our lives meaningful and feel there is still some kind of purpose to it all. It requires a lot of ingenuity, persistence and resourcefulness which generally goes totally unrecognised but I hope both of us find the strength to keep on keeping on.
Good guess… It was!! But I still really value some of the things Osho says … I just don’t like the whole connecting with strangers thing. I’m too solitary for that!! I like to connect with one person at a time.