Hi. I am new to posting on here but have been reading this website for a while now. I am planning on taking my life and wanted to share the reason why.
I truly am an awful, despicable person who does not deserve to live. I lie through my teeth to get what I want. I stole over 5 thousand pounds from the company which I worked for who always treated me with the greatest respect and when they found out they should have called the police and have me arrested for stealing and fraud but instead they only dismissed me.
I ruined the greatest relationship in my life with the perfect man because of my lying and stealing.
I stole money from my 15 year old brother.
I have lost all of my friends because of my lies and manipulative ways.
My family are well off and I truly have no reason to steal but I just did it. I cannot explain why because I do not know. My family have always been there for me even though I have brought nothing but shame to them.
I am a terrible person. I have tried to commit suicide twice in the past both times leading to a month long stay at a psychiatric hospital. Next time I will not fail.
I do not blame any of my friends for hating me as if I were anyone else I would also hate the person I am. My brother who I stole from hates me as I have yet to apologize for my actions. I do not plan to apologize because him hating me makes me feel like I have one less person to feel guilty about when the time comes and I end my life. My sister is also getting to the stage where she hates me and I am thankful for that.
I am a horrible person who does not deserve to live. Every single day I ask myself why am I still alive? I have caused nothing but pain to those in my life who do not deserve it. Their lives will be better and a weight lifted off their shoulders when I end my life.
I hate myself and do not wish anyone reading this post to ever have the misfortune of meeting someone as terrible as me.
4 comments
Stealing and lying are both generally crappy, but they’re forgivable crimes. It doesn’t sound like you’ve done anything you can’t make amends for. Did anyone die as a result of your actions? Was anybody horrifically traumatised in a way they can’t escape?
You could end it all, and probably cause a good deal of trauma for those you leave, however much they may resent you.
Or you could apologise, and attempt to make amends to all those you think you’ve wronged. You could seek to understand the source of your actions (possibly with professional help.) Compulsive stealing and lying are recognised treatable behaviours. Not saying it’d be easy, but it’s something you could face up to, if you wanted to. Maybe then you’d start to feel like you deserved to live again.
In my teens I was a compulsive liar… I couldn’t help myself. It just happened and I lied so much and yes I hurt the people I loved too. Real bad at times. But you know what I got over it… We all did. I changed my life. I decided I wanted to be true and honest.. Now I have a hard time lying about even the silly things like “how are you?” People often must wish they didn’t ask! People change and the first step to changing is realising you have a problem. The second step is admitting it to others, apologising and putting things right!
Compulsive lying can be an obsession.. Like an addiction. Addiction programs might help and they are free: good luck.
Also resenting a loved one when they kill themselves must feel far worse than loving them. Just think about it… They’d spend the rest of their lives wondering if they had been different toward you, would you still be alive!? Make amends and spare them the pain of thinking they added to your torment.
I think you have KLEPTOMANIA.
KLEPTOMANIA is the inability to refrain from the urge to steal items and is done for reasons other than personal use or financial gain. First described in 1816, KLEPTOMANIA is classified in psychiatry as an IMPULSE CONTROL DISORDER.
search about KLEPTOMANIA with your favourite search engine. read about treatments. become self aware . self awareness can help you