I got a story. I can’t promise it’s a good one though
So I have a girlfriend and we’ve been together for about 2 1/2 years. She just recently got diagnosed with depression. And although I am trying my best to make her life easier, it feels like I’m not really doing enough.
We’re both just college students living with our parents so I can’t be there for her all the time, which really sucks cause when she does need me I can’t really be sure I’ll be there.
Any tips on how to help her would be greatly appreciated
Thanks SP
5 comments
She doesn’t need help. If she needs help she will get help because that is what she wants. You disregard her life in favor of declaring unilaterally that she needs help, like you’re some kind of god.
Maybe I should have mentioned that she’s already seen a psych and has been to rehab to avoid pretentious comments but oh well
Listen, you don’t have to agree or disagree. Just listen, intently and undivided.
Don’t try to fix everything.
Ask what you can do, but don’t over ask.
Love and accept them just the way they are.
Generally, just be there.
Really, just all the normal relationship things….
You don’t need to physically be there at all times.
Just let her know as much as you can you’re there for her and think about her, it helps.
Always let her know you’re there with her through this no matter what, even if it doesn’t seem like it’s helping much (because it does help but it might be difficult for her to show it).
Don’t pressure her on things especially not on ‘getting better’ and such.
If she gets really down, be careful with what you say (like, don’t say anything that might make her think you’re mad at her for being sad, or that you don’t know what to do, or make her think she is bugging you by telling you how she feels) and just comfort her the best you can.
It might seem like she’s not listening when you try to cheer her up, but the more she argues and says depressing things that go through her mind, the more she wants you to reassure her and try to cheer her up, even if you have to repeat yourself.
It might be a bit of a general advice since different people usually deal with it differently and react/feel differently while suffering from that, and i don’t know how severe it got before she got diagnosed, so i can only guess.
What helps me is an actual ‘phone call’ at bedtime … saying “it’s ok ..I’m here for you. I’m going to keep you safe now. I’ll take care of you when you’re not well. I only want to make you smile” Little surprises make me smile:.. Like flowers for a date. I guess a general sense of understanding and acceptance. Not being pushed away when I cry. Lots of cuddles… Being able to let go when it gets too much as well. Sometimes I act out get drunk and try to kill myself. The best thing to do then is be strong and make sure I am safe… Ie not on a bridge or something.
Everyone’s different though I am very loving in a relationship- if she’s not this could be a bit smothering. Best of luck!