My story</3

My story starts when I was little, my mom was seventeen going on eighteen when she had me and my sister. She struggled to make ends meet and she still wanted to go out and have fun like any young mom would, my father wasn’t around for the first three years of my life so my mom used to find babysitters or drop us off with family, she would be gone for night and nights on end my family told me. When I turned  three me and my sister were dropped off with my aunt and uncle and custody was handed over to them, my mom was supposedly getting to go into the navy, but really she was going to go live her life. I remember waking up caring or even crying because I missed her but it didn’t last very long because I didn’t have that emotional attachment to my mom as my sister did. When I was about three and half years old my dad stepped into the picture a couple years went by an things were great and he was the best father I could ask for but what I didn’t know is my life was in for a rude awakening. My fifth birthday came up and I can still remember I got almost everything I could ask for, everyone was there even my mom we were laughing and smiling and having a good time. My dad had other plans and this is when my life changed forever, my dad was sexual abusing me and threatened my life if I ever told anyone about it, this went on from the time I was five till I was seven then it stopped and things went back to “normal”. A couple years had gone by and I had moved back in with my mom, things were not great but they were good and she tried to give us everything we could ever want, school was great and I had lots of friends and going into sixth grade I was ten. When I got into sixth grade I started feeling depressed and sad all the time, I didn’t go to friends house and I didn’t even really go outside and I started hating everything about myself, my dad also stepped back into my life and again started sexual abusing me, I started cutting and just wishing my life would end, I felt so alone and so scared what would happen if I ever told anyone, so I kept to myself and dealt with it thought maybe this was gods plan, this went on for a lot longer then a couple years. I was finally in eighth grade, I was planning m future and knew what I wanted to be in life, but I was getting into the wrong crowed and started drinking and using drugs on a regular basis and felt like I was never going to be good enough and my father had again left my life but at the point it didn’t matter I was already on my path of self destruction. I met a guy much older and I was 14 and got pregnant so I moved in with him, my mom couldn’t handle me anymore I  was becoming a big problem for he r to handle in her “perfect” world. I stopped using and I had become a single mother and living in homes, my son was born with CF (Cystic Fibrosis) witch is fluid build up in the lungs and there is no cure for it, he was my whole world and we made the best of things and I made sure he went to every doctor appointment and had everything he could ever need. I still had very bad depression but I was a parent and I needed to do what was best for him and I  couldn’t let him go with out because I wasn’t feeling up to doing it, but three years later he had gotten very very very sick and was in the hospital for three weeks I stayed by his side almost every night and did everything I could. My alcoholism took over and I started drinking and getting depressed and angry because I knew what was to come my little boy was dyeing and there was nothing I could do to save him and I had to make the decision to let him suffer or let him go. The night came to make my decision I laid with him and told him everything was going to be okay as I lay there crying, telling him everything was going to be okay I felt the warmth of his body fade away. The doctors came in telling me I had to leave and was pulling me away from my little angle and all I could do was cry as I ran out of the hospital and to the nearest person I could find to buy my a bottle of whiskey, my heart finally had enough and I couldn’t handle it anymore. I found the nearest party and I drank until I couldn’t drink anymore, I did as many drugs as I could until I finally went home and laid in bed and prayed to god and asked him to take my life and let me be with my son, I became unconscious and I woke up in the hospital two weeks later from a coma. I cried and begged god to tell me why he let me live, but at the same time my friend joey had saved me and had cared about me enough to bring me to the hospital. When I asked him how he knew about my condition he said “I was sleeping and something woke me up and told me I needed to go to your apartment so I did and I found you and brought you to the hospital and haven’t left your side”. After that I was still very upset and I got so angry at him and I asked him to leave,  after I was released I checked myself into rehab and got clean and sober and had come clean about everything and I learned how to deal with the death of my son in a healthy way the self destruction and I learned its okay to cry and talk about things that are bothering you, I met a man in rehab and we became very close our stories had similarities and we had a strong connection even after we left rehab and I went to my friend joey a year later and thanked him for saving me that night and that if It wasn’t for him I wouldn’t be able to watch my sister and brother graduate and be able to experience my life to the fullest. Another year went by and I finally got into a relationship with the guy from rehab and he has been my biggest supporter and even though I don’t have my mom I have him and we got married and now have two beautiful baby girls and even though my son isn’t here I still keep him in my memories and my friend joey is our roommate and I will never be able to show him how much I appreciate what he did for me.