the world

I am extremely tired of ptsd. At night I hear malicious whispers that don’t go away. I woke up to the noise from the workman next door here in disability central. There is no sun today. I feel like death, like going away forever. A woman said to stay away from social media if it bothers me, seeing others doing better, she doesn’t grasp that this is a life line for me. Because of the poor sleep I hear his evil voice more often. I’m tired of wondering what this is doing to me physiologically. You know there is no god when you plead with one for almost two years to take the voices away and that evil fucking god does nothing to help you. I can’t stand living here anymore and I’m too afraid to move, I’ve been beaten up really bad on the ptsd train, others disappear, are callous, or treat you like shit b/c you are who you are and aren’t exactly like they are. I miss my priest and the cat and now have no quiet place to go to for a refuge, when I tried a couple of times the voices followed me, I’m fucking tired, have nothing left but appts., one scary one I am terrified to make, and paperwork that terrifies me as well b/c I don’t know how to move forward, too terrified, and nobody cares. I’m fucking tired, I want my poor brain to heal. He wasn’t around last night the one I depend on. I’m so fricking tired of the fall-out of incest in this cruel world from hell, it is always cruel, but my mask means they don’t know. Oh, cruel evil people if only you did know. But I know you wouldn’t care, either. Fuck the world.