It’s weird knowing I’m not going to make it past June. I’m not even sure what day, I’m thinking around early-mid June. Ideally anywhere from the 3rd-18th. I’ve always been alone in life and I’m going to be alone in death. I definitely don’t feel worthy of God’s time. I’ll learn from the experience and move on if an afterlife exists. I’m not doing anything different until then. I’m still just reading, hanging out with my dog, walking around, and praying for others. Lately I’ve talked with distant relatives at a family type event (I usually skip going) and it wasn’t really fun at all. I talked to some people but wished that I hadn’t even gone. I basically sat by myself the entire time (by choice) because I knew I wasn’t close with anyone there and that nobody actually wanted to talk to me. At the same time at least I got to see them. I know they might wonder why I did what I did. If people think I’m selfish then they just don’t understand. To summarize I just don’t think I’ll be a valuable member of society, I don’t want to waste my time and live when I’m not really living already and I don’t want to go on any longer. I want to go home.
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4 comments
godbless ,
Interesting? sounds a lot like me, except the religion part, going home? is becoming part of the universe as you are right now, in different form and will never know about it! 🙂 I say you need to connect with someone just one person! we all are different brothers sisters blah blah! find someone you connect too! the is no laws that say just because your related to someone you are joined at the hip, find that special person understand there short coming’s and respect them, respect each other! and live as one.
Thank you for your comment, rocketman , that’s a beautiful thought.
godbless,
Thank you! YOU SEE THAT’S WHAT MAKES LIFE WORTH LIVING! Having that special person that understands you and you understand them, and living together! no body is perfect, once you can get past that then you can be as one.
Your days sound like mine. Reading, dog, etc. I’ve been trying to do things that make me happy, even if they are solitary. But nothing beats sleeping.,..
I like the idea if it as going home. It is… It is going home. I think I believe in heaven, even though I can’t understand why God would put us through pain. Though, I hope more that there is reincarnation. I love the idea of living it again, but as someone else. I hate that this is the only shot my soul got…what a crappy life.