I honestly cant believe it……….

I’m not really sure what my last post was cuz I am having to write these as they come to me on a word processor and then copy and paste them when I do have internet access. It has its ups and downs. I can’t get distracted by pop ups and the curiosity of social media and all of that meaningless mind wasting junk that it can be. I find that if I can get caught up in all of that it ends up becoming some sort of drama filled b.s. game and I’d rather sit back and and watch then participate in any of it.
Anyhow, I now am finding myself happier than I have been in a very long time. I have my current boyfriend to thank for that. But as usual, there is a twist in the story. So what is going on? What is it that makes me so happy? There really isn’t any way that one person, one man can make such a huge difference in another persons life so that they don’t want to kill themselves or harm themselves anymore right? Most people would say no, there is no way that could be. Just 4 weeks ago I would have said no as well. However, because of this man I have turned my life around. I have become more responsible for my actions, I have seen who I really am inside and I have seen what I have done to others and how I have affected those around me my entire life. He is better than any 12 step program and he has never left my side. Not when I was sent to a mental facility and put on a psych hold first for 3 days and then for an additional 2 days. He didn’t leave me when I was arrested for being under the influence of a controlled substance, and he didn’t leave me when I turned more than one of our fights into a physical altercation and tried my damnedest to hurt him. He didn’t even leave me when I accused him of cheating on me when it was all in my paranoid fucked up head. Believe me, I hated all of the things that I did and I don’t remember most of them. Honestly. He came back to me. Every time. He never gave up on me. Turns out that I have Dissociative Personality Disorder (a.k.a. Multiple Personality Disorder) I guess he could tell when I wasn’t myself and when the ugly me was there. Now I’m on meds and it really seems to help. Im such a different person now and it really helps. There are times when I have breakthroughs and I hear the voices and its really frustrating but it is really rare and doesn’t happen too often.
So, thats why I’m happy more than sad and hating life and yes it was a man, one man, that helped me get through the darkest times of my life. I haven’t wanted to die for awhile now and I cant thank him enough. I will never leave his side no matter what. I owe this man my life. I wish you all the best and hope you all find what ever it is that makes you feel the same and finds your life light.