I wish I could believe in God. I wish I could convince myself that there was some omniscient, all loving being with the power to guide me and influence my circumstances for the better. I wish I could believe that there was a perennial force looking out for me and giving ubiquitous company. I wish I could believe that everything concludes with justice, that those who commit significant transgressions receive a punishment proportional to their crime. I wish I could believe that there is meaning in suffering, that the pain endured produced a reward to make it worth it.
I wish I could believe that life had an objective to be achieved, that at the end I would be given an indefinite life full of perpetual happiness.
But no, there is no God. There is nothing that regulates the atrocities of the universe, nothing that impedes on the innocents’ tragedy, disease, terror and violence are all inexorable aspects of life, the innocent are killed everyday, tortured and mutilated on every level. I am not a misanthropist, I do not believe that humanity is collectively bad and immoral. It’s just devastating that the idea of justice and objective love is indoctrinated into people, that people can justify the horrors of life with meaningless fallacies and I am unable to find solace in that ideology. I can’t believe that in a car crash only the survivor was worthy of god’s mercy, I can’t believe that simply saying words can communicate with a supreme being who only selectively listens to those that don’t need to be heard at that time. I can’t believe that God only chose prophets and the supernatural to happen when it was unable to be confirmed through empirical evidence, especially because at this period in time we need guidance, inspiration and lessons to love our fellow humans more than anything else.
I can’t believe in Christian ideology that God condones suffering because he wants to give humanity free will, free will that doesn’t exist without financial, geographical, mental and emotional privilege. I can’t believe that I was given life but not the resources and ability to enjoy and utilize it.
7 comments
Honestly, I’ve been having the same problem. I want to believe that it all exists, but the reality of life keeps hitting me. It’s the same reason why I’m afraid to kill myself, they say if you kill yourself, you go to hell. I don’t know what to believe.
Consider yourself lucky that you’re able to find a reason to go on without using folklore/legend/myth as a crutch. Having an imaginary friend would certainly help you get through life’s hardships, but would you willingly allow yourself to forsake reason and logic for the safe, secure comfort of being a brainwashed lemming?
Stories in a book might provide meaning/purpose for those who are easily fooled, but is it better to go through life wearing wishful, delusional blinders than having your eyes opened?
My issue with god hasn’t been just the fact he isn’t there and I can’t fool myself into his existence but instead me asking is he did exist would he deserve me acknowledging his existence then I looked out at the world and said nah
If*
Sure, but you didn’t mention your IQ. So… how am I expected to take you seriously?
(I hope you got the joke.. :D)
Amen, ackerman. Oops, I mean uh… right on. I do believe in superior beings (to think we’re the pinnacle of existence is both vain and depressing), but I can’t believe in any of the gods presented by traditional religions because they present too many illogical and outright conflicted statements. One minute God is all loving and all merciful. The next, God is sending a plague of locusts to kill every 1st born just because the Pharaoh is a douchebag (or something like that).
And so the illusion of “rightness” is shattered, and the only thing left is the horror of reality we observe around us. No superheroes, no celestial justice, no deus ex machina to save us all in the 5th act.
I can’t wrap my head around why anyone (myself included) would choose to continue existing in this scenario. Forces of destruction are always stronger. Pain and suffering is what defines life, all the way down to the tiniest fly being eaten by the tiniest spider. Or someone getting raped in the streets as we speak. How I would love to get that illusion of rightness back. But it died around the same time I saw my first drunk santa at the local mall.