It’s Getting Harder To Hold On

Hopefully this is not the end but it seems to be getting closer. I never thought I would be the type to quit the fight. However after 46 years it is getting harder to hang on. My depression and anxiety have spiraled so low that there seems like no light at the end of the tunnel.

People always say what about the friends and family you would be devastating, but what worth to them am I when the limits of my abilities is making dinner a night or two a week. My poor spouse has to work and go to school so she can get extra loans to pay the bills. My kids have to deal with having a father that never leaves the house. I miss being a part of their lives but the anxiety is too strong or the depression kicks in and getting out of bed to go to the bathroom is too much.

I don’t want to be that whiny little person seeking out attention, so I don’t tell anyone. I have mentioned it to my wife but she doesn’t want to believe it so she says doesn’t understands and ignores it.

I am not mad at the world, I don’t blame a higher power for my suffering. It is what it is. But having to watch my family suffer because of my issues is becoming too heavy of a burden too hold up.