Reasons.

So I’m gonna share one of the reasons that tempted me to end my life (Read my last post). So, I’m not really close to my father. He always works overseas. And I always thought he was a good guy, working his hardest for us, for his family. Then when I was around 10 years old, I heard my mom and dad fighting, me and my sisters were downstairs, trying to eat our lunch peacefully when suddenly our mom screamed. She screamed at our dad, the kind of scream that breaks your voice, the kind of scream that was full of emotions. About 5 minutes later, our dad came down to eat with us but our mom was still upstairs. Probably crying. Since I was the youngest, my dad thought that it’ll be okay to just talk to me like nothing happened. Of course I’m not fucking stupid but I acted like nothing happened and I acted dumb just for the sake of avoiding awkward conversations. I was on the verge of tears! All I can do is pretend that it doesn’t fucking affect me! Since then, I never want to be close to my dad because he hurts mom. I don’t see him as the superhero dad anymore. I just see him as my father. My own blood and flesh who works hard for us to live, that’s all. When I was around, say 11 or 12 years old I heard my mom sobbing, and it was like she was begging for father to choose her again, to love her again because he was seeing another woman (but I prefer to call her Bam the ***** because I heard that Bam is the slut’s name.) (I pretended to be asleep while listening to my mom, she was talking on the phone because father was working overseas.) Then father came home because I was graduating from middle school. One night, I was sleeping in the same room with my sister and that sister of mine doesn’t really like our father at all. She despised him. Loathed him. He was telling her to go to sleep and she suddenly snapped and told him to ‘hurt her because that’s what he wanted’ and the next thing I know was father punching the fucking wall and screaming at my sister. I pretended to be sleep again when that was happening, constantly peeking behind my pillow. I know, that was such a fucking coward thing to do. Anyway, my other sister called my mom from upstairs and this dramatic family talk happened. They even checked if I was asleep lol. Next morning my grandma came to our house and ya know fixed the bullshit. Fast forward, he was still with that Bam ***** and she even had the fucking nerve to shove it in my mom’s face that she is with fucked up father. The bimbo ***** has a family too. Now I’m still wondering why the fuck my mom hasn’t divorced with father yet. I was fucking expecting it for years. I realized that we need to live that’s why mom isn’t leaving father because we need money. And I know that she still loves him no matter what the fuck that person do to her or us. I know that I still love my father too, no matter how much I want to punch his fucking face and ***** slap his bimbo *****. I pity the bimbo’s family though because obviousfuckingly they don’t know ANYTHING. Bullshit Bam ***** if I ever see you in person, YOU ARE GONNA BE SO FUCKING DEAD BEFORE I FORGIVE YOU PIECE OF BULLSHIT! YOU MESSED WITH OUR LIVES? WELL I FUCKING HOPE YOURS GET SO FUCKED UP THAT YOU’LL FUCKING ROT. HOPE YOUR FAMILY MOVES ON FROM YOU THOUGH. ONLY YOU WILL ROT, NOT YOUR FAMILY. YOUR FAMILY HAVE EACH OTHER, MY FAMILY HAVE EACH OTHER TOO. YOU? YOU HAVE NOTHING. IF DAD CHOOSES YOU OVER US, THEN YOU’LL BOTH HAVE TO WATCH ME, I WILL FUCKING STAND UP FOR MY FAMILY AND WE’LL BE STRONGER THAN YOU TWO. I CAN FORGIVE YOU, I CAN FORGET YOU BUT BULLSHIT, I’LL NEVER LET IT GO.