Please god let these innocent people forgive me at the end of the night

Hi,I smoked meth when I was 17 and 18 Im 24 now The last time I smiked it when I ws 19,And yes I smoke it,isnt that the “preffered choice” now? Oh god
When I say probably from the drugs im referring to a time I had a bad trip,something went wrong and I went a little crazy,I haven’t been the same ever since,I mean now I look ok and normal but I still feel off,like that behavior up there^
And I basically do this to men,I have this bitter outlook towards men that they will all end up cheating on you and are dogs, I somehow ignore them I know exactly when to do it to get their feathers all ruffled,and they all look around at each other in confusion! Even if their strangers and do not know eachother, I guess im, cute or something, Or I wont smile I wont acknowledge them or that their there as I walk past them,But its so cold and so mean maybe you could help explain what im trying to say better? And I don’t care how old they are,”Age is nothing but a number” in m book. Well that’s my view on my bad days or angry days which is what I am pretty most of the time
Do you still use meth? how is that working for you? guy? girl? thanks for commenting
About the bad trip It was pretty bad,i Stayed in a mental facility or mental “hospital” for like three months,and acted like a small child and had to be on all kinds of psych meds after Im so glad im better now <3