My life is complete shit. People love to say they give a fuck but as long as I can remember I’ve had a bad life. I’ve been abused molested bullied then I was finally a cool kid in hs but nobody knew I always was super depressed at home and I would do drugs and drink to cope but my mom never cared what I did. Then I dropped out of school….my mom never protected me from being molested she always turned the other cheek just like my sister even tho it’s her husband who did it. Then my mom said she didn’t want me anymore and I had to move out of state with my sister and the man who touched me multiple times. Since then I fell into a worse depression but I was always good at wearing a happy face but if always lock my door in fear and cry hoping I’d just never wake up….now I’m in my 20s with a job and a BF but I’m deeper than ever in my depression im cutting myself and I tried to overdose on pills but I was caught and stopped….my BF threatens to call the cops and have me admitted into a hospital. But if he really loves me he will let me go right? Every day I think of doing something like jumping in front of a train or off a bridge…hanging myself…drowning myself….i pray a car just hits me and crushes my skull. It’s so painful to keep breathing but everyone tells me “it gets better” all the same bullshit I’m so tired of hearing it! Cuz this pain only gets worse but they don’t get it….why would anyone want me here? People just SAY they care cuz it sounds good but in the end I’m alone. I don’t even want to go to work I just stay in my room in the dark…..I want to end it all so bad….
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Im sorry to hear that, does yr sister’s husband still molest you now..? Im sure your bf really love you, just different ways of thinking, there must be people who care, you wont be useless here, at least you got a job, they need you, your boyfriend cares too. Its okay to lock up yrslf and cry, its okay to fear, but you have to know maybe you gta find more who care then, maybe a friend? It is about who you rely on, you can try to rely on people. Or just chat with people here, or any online webs, im sure there is someone wholl listen and care about you. Just in case, you can talk to me too
I ask myself “what if this life is all there is? what if nothing comes after?”, please write a list of all the things you ever enjoyed, all the things you wanted to do and haven’t, why do you remember these things? I can 100% guarantee that i could write a list from now until the day i die of things i don’t want to do and would go to great lengths to avoid, but what use would that list be but to make me miserable. Our focus is so important. I’m sure your boyfriend needs you more than you realize and the things which have happened to you in the past are in the past and good for you for leaving those responsible behind and out of your life.
I’m a 29 year old male and have never had a girlfriend, I envy your relationship, all the things i could share, places to go etc. I still appreciate time by myself though, sometimes it’s good to get out of the city, away from society, just an hour or two alone in nature is excellent medicine i promise.
Leave the past where it is.
Thanks, I really do love nature and before my depression got worse is meditate and go into the wilderness to just think but I’ve become so overwhelmed I can’t focus on anything I love anymore…it’s putting a huge strain on my relationship and my boyfriend is threatening to call the cops and tell them I’m trying to kill myself because of a failed suicide attempt and have me admitted into the hospital……I’m just so damn sad all the time and I think it makes people dislike me. I feel alone all the time even when I’m around people it’s like I’m not even here. I’ll try what you suggested tho and I really hope it helps but I just feel helpless.
I know its painful , of course i do not know exactly how …. sadly no one ever could understand what you have been trough except you … i’m not good at cheering people up , but i hope you can one day forget all this and live like never before , wish you best of luck , i hope it gets better!
He doesn’t anymore…I moved out of my sisters house to stay with a friend but whenever I see him I’m angry and scared and sad all at the same time.
And he just gives me this disgusting evil look….
And I guess when it all comes down to it I feel like in not worth protecting…like I won’t ever be anything in life which is why I shouldn’t waste my time taking up space on earth and just disappear for good….