After years of depression, suicidal thoughts and a failed attempt I think it’s finally time.
First attempt was drug OD. I remember doing tons of research and planning. Dressing up and feeling happy on that day. I’ve never felt more happy than that for a long long time. I was found and therefore still alive.
It was never a rash decision. Every night I go to sleep hoping I’ll never wake up again. Every morning is just another disappointment. Then I had to make a choice or staying alive or ending my life. And I regret my choice of staying alive every single day.
I can’t even explain how tiring it is to live the way I do, let alone years of it. I’m in so much pain I don’t even care if my death is going to be painless or not. I just want to get going. I don’t even want to go to heaven if there’s one. I just want to disappear into thin air, no long existing in any realm.
I just hope that when I’m gone, my organs will be donated to good people who deserves to live.
Suicide is no doubt selfish. But isn’t it selfish for the people holding us here and keep us suffering too?
8 comments
I can relate to your post and I agree that its selfish for people to try and keep somebody alive who doesn’t want to be alive anymore.
I am in the same situation as you.
It’s cruel forcing someone to live if that someone doesn’t want to.
It’s worse for someone who is selfless/unselfish (which people say I am) to just want to be selfish for once.. It’s already so difficult to try to put myself in front of others.. And they just made it so many happy harder..
I struggle with people expecting me to keep trying also. It’s horrendous for me to want to die and yet not so for them to force me to suffer. They’re the only reason I’m here and to leave them behind to work through it seems less and less selfish everyday.
If you want to donate organs, you would need to die in a hospital and your organs harvested not too long after death.
The possibility for that to happen is slim then 🙁
The possibility for that to happen is slim then 🙁
I’m in a very similar boat. More than a decade of depression which has ruined my life. 2 failed attempts, a wife that doesn’t understand and only offers judgement, recent problems have caused job loss and marriage is ending. I’ve got my an just deciding when to execute it. I’m in the Midwest US. Hoping to find someone nearby to talk to and maybe even meet. Need to find a connection with someone that understands. If you might be willing please let me know.