Even though I just made this new account I wanna start out with some personal things because I can’t tell anyone face to face these issues.
Here I go, I have been questioning my gender for a couple of months now.
Since last July I have had a deep connection in a weird way with the LGBTQ+ community. I watched the Fourth of July parade and for some weird reason I cried. At that moment I realized I was bi.
Skip to January of this year and I start to see people at my school who are genderneautral or trans. I didn’t get it but then I realized I was pan because I started to like a trans person.
Slowly over the past few months I started to see another part of the world I didn’t know. I grew up Christian so I neverknew what bi-gender or genderqueer or anything meant, which is also why I can’t tell anyone this.
I think I am genderfluid or genderneutral. I feel more boyish and like a boy sometimes and others I feel feminine. I started to look into trans and bi-gender Youtubers and celebrities. I have found ways to help me make my physical appearance more boyish.
I really wanna cut my hair but I dont know how to explain to my mom why I want it short. She, my sister and my dad will definately make fun of me if I do, even though they wouldn’t know the reason as to why, and it’s really difficult.
I don’t know forsure what I am but all I know is I’m slowly starting to I don’t know feel like a guy. I don’t know if I should avoid it because it could be a burden and I could live my life as a female because it will be easier or I should just slowly figure out what I am and embrace it.
I am not afraid of ridicule but I don’t want my parents to kill me or my grandma to hate me. She already thinks I’m crazy. I don’t want her to think I am absolutely mental like my mom.
Just a couple of thoughts. If anyone can help me with this by giving some advice or something that’d be great.
– A flower
3 comments
Just embrace who you are and let go of the thought of it being shameful. I’m straight and male but I read enough of scientific studies to know that some peoples sexuality is different and it’s perfectly normal! As natural as someone’s skin. Be yourself, be unashamed, and never let anyone put you down.
Embracing gender-fluidity can’t be easy at first. I’m a bi male (not gender-fluid so I can’t begin to appreciate what that must mean for you) but I only came out at 29 (I’ve known since I was 13) because I never had an opportunity with a guy previously. Although its probably a lot harder in school, I keep my personal and work lives separate and in relation to sexuality, I only tell those who it directly affects (this means I don’t even let on to most of my friends although I’m open of LGBTQ+ issues etc.). If I end up in a serious relationship with a guy then I’d properly ‘come out’ to more friends and family as I wouldn’t want to hide it, but I don’t see the need (personally) to do it whilst I’m single. More cos I cba atm than anything lol. It doesn’t define me, I guess that a part too…
Be who you want to be, and never forget you can change your mind too. At any point. Or not! It’s entirely up to you 🙂
I can understand parts of your thinking. I am 34 and when I went for school it was totally taboo to even mention the aspect of being associated with LBGT+. Taboo. At least from my POV. There definitely wasn’t any openly gay students though there were a few that were suspected. That said and an interesting point is that the same high school that I attended apparently has a gender-neutral washroom; I read about it in the local paper.
For me I have struggled with different things, one of which is my sexual identity and my gender identity. I am 34. My sex is male. My gender is neutral. I learnt a new term that I feel best fits my feeling, that being “agender” (look it up). There’s components to my past that may have contributed to how I feel but I won’t go there.
The best thing that I can tell you to do is to talk with someone that you trust. You live and are going for school at a time that being on the LGBT+ spectrum isn’t as horrific as what it was not even 20 years ago. Whether you believe me or not, you are at a stage that you’re still finding things out. You’re at a stage that things can be very confusing, hormones and such. Take your time figuring things out and don’t panic. From the article that I read in the local paper gender matters are becoming more and more prevalent.
I read something a long time ago about sexuality… it is often fluid; it doesn’t conform to state of permanent being. From what I read, even if you “start out” straight doesn’t mean that you will be straight forever with your sexuality potentially changing over time to something else, hence the term fluid. I cannot see why gender cannot work the same?
Bottom line, wait a little bit longer to see and eventually discuss with your friends and family down the road. On the interim find someone to speak with as you come into your own. Hang in there. 🙂