I lay here all night and morning till the sun comes up. The light hurts my eyes now I’m so used to being alone in the dark and enjoying the quiet that I hate so much. It’s not that I like being alone it’s all I’m used to. How do you go about changing that? Make friends, get into a relationship, go outside and live a little? I can’t anymore, I’ve lost my connection with the rest of society it’s just me, my bed, and my thoughts. I don’t even want it to go away anymore I just want it to be quiet forever. I just want the world to go black and never have to worry, never have to cry myself to sleep, never have to take another breath again. I need help but won’t ask for it. Why won’t I ask? Why won’t the words escape my mouth? It’s like my demons are choking me keeping the words down and forcing my smile on my face again. I’m slowly dying and everyone thinks I’m perfectly fine. I’m withering away from the inside out.
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I completely relate to you man. Ive been alone for so long, I refuse to go outside and talk to anybody for years now. Depresiion and anxiety has conquered me
I haven’t left my house for two weeks and have only interacted with one person (a family member) face to face during this time. I realise this isn’t normal but at this point I don’t care anymore. No friends, no relationships… I don’t really give a damn because I don’t know how to meet or talk to people anymore. At the same time I’m lonely. So I hear ya.
Depression crushed my emotions and anxiety made them all crisis crossed I can’t choose love or hate. I can’t decide if life is a blessing or a curse. I can’t see if I have help or if I’m stuck in my ocean of emotions one wave from being dragged under for the last time. So I’m on the edge of deciding… Should I fight back to the surface or just let the wave take me deeper and deeper in the water.
Very painful. I’ve been there and even drop down there still from time to time. I wish there was an answer to such pain.
I leave my house only to see my 8 year old brother he’s my one thing keeping me here if he was gone… I’d be gone too… But even he can’t drag me out of this it’s had nine years to drag me down and grow. This feeling it’s both scary and relaxing. It’s how I picture death. Scary yet oddly relaxing knowing that you don’t have to worry. You don’t have to be alone, he will take your hand and take you away from this life and let you be at peace.
i can relate. i feel like life is folding on me and i can’t escape the darkness, and in the darkness it’s quiet, lonely and frustrating. my depression doesn’t hold me back as much as it tends to do with other people. i go out, i keep a good relationship, so almost everybody’s sure i’m fine. my family is pushing me to work or study. they are sure it’ll pass once i start ‘doing something with your life’. i think they are pretentious fucks. they don’t know my demons. who do they think they are? in the meantime i crumble and crack inside.
I feel for you, i know pretty well how that feels. You start seeing little signs of detachment from everything and when you realize what is happening you are already too far gone. Then all you have left is just this weird… thing (i don’t know how to define it) that circles around you and stops you from doing anything. I remember an old friend of mine used to call it “being trapped in silent hill”. Hope you can find your way out eventually.
When thoughts of being gone are comforting. The only thing pushing back against it is the fear of the process of dying.
Then the hope that comes when you hear that dying is actually the most peaceful and euphoric experience of your life. I NEED that euphoria! I NEED that peace! But alas, fear. The same thing that prevents me from living, is preventing me from dying.
IT’S NOT FAIR!!!
You should never be scared of death.mits peaceful and beautiful, death takes you away from the hell you were living in. It might hurt at first but after the initial pain all the pain inside and out goes away. Death is your friend no matter how you see it. He comes to everyone and takes them out of this horrible world.