I read a lot of things about natural selection and how people value beauty over substance. I started thinking – I’m gonna do my own research! So I went on YouTube and looked people who was crying out for help, mainly those ones who use flash cards. The “attractive” ones got all kinds of support and sympathy while the “overweight” and what society views as “unattractive” got mocked and made fun of, even if there issues where more serious. It’s sad! Empathy being induced in the human mind based on physical attraction…….another example of the insane majority.
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You only have to look on instagram or facebook with all the “Pretty” people posting thousands of photos of themselves and claiming to hate their appearance because they are ugly. If you believe you are ugly, you don’t have photos taken, you hide away. They are obviously only looking for an ego boost.
Yeah I’m continuing with testosterone if for anythinf, to never have a period again. I actually want a hysterectomy more than anything. I’m not sure about any external surgery because as I said, I do like men and I still want to get laid. I’ve been a horn ball all my life so that can’t change. At least you’ve had a chance to look into your medical issues, as it’s really hard to get proper care here in the states. There’s only a couple of places, as in, Chicago and I think somewhere in California, where you can get hormones easily and legally. If I could get proper care, I’d be on the thyroid pills I need, but they’re denied to me on government health care, because as a taker of a governement service, that must mean I make meth and sell my prescriptions on the street. I think the way my body has shifted, I could be a candidate to have excess skin removed. But yeah, surgery is only for those who can pay in full. I still wish you wouldn’t feel you had to cut. I’m sorry to sayit but it saddens me. I think better of you than that. But I know it’s your coping mechanism. I don’t have any way to cope, except obsess about suicide and work myself up into a horrendously bad mood like Monday when I thought I’d jump in front of a train. I’d still like to die. I’m afraid to be single forever. I don’t want to see 38, 39 and 40th birthdays come and go, still alone, still suffering, probably seeing my dream guy with 100 girls by then, and just, everything… I just don’t know when it will happen. But I can’t go on forever this way. It’s too bad you don’t want to do anything sexual that doesn’t end up humiliating you. 😛 How about somewhat humiliating someone else? lol
Its the same here is Australia. My brain tumors stop my body producing Growth Hormone and Testosterone but the government wont allow me to be prescribed growth hormone. An Endocrinologist told me to move to Thailand and self medicate. I tried to import some but Customs siezed it and sent me a first and final warning that I go to jail if I try to import it again. I just bought some off the blackmarket but its costing me $1350 every 28 days supply.
That skin removal surgery is expensive too. When I had my double mastectomy, it was cheaper for me to fly to Thailand and have a weeks holiday and pay for the surgery at Bumrungrad International Hospital in Bangkok that it was to have the surgery in Australia.
I think you just need to grab your dream guy and tie him up so he can’t leave.
Yeah, I have done myself too much damage now and after 30 years of humiliation, its the only thing that works for me but it only works with strangers. No arousal at all if I know the woman.
Right. Same happens in the trans community. Thin, young transguys get loads of views on YouTube while thin, gorgeous transwomen get national mainstream media fame. Before I knew about all this stuff though, I gained a bit of Internet ‘fame’ literally as the ugliest person on earth. I was known and hated for being unholy fat and hideously ugly. People sent pizzas to my house and called the cops claiming I was threatening to kill them, and it was near daily, a couple of years of chaos before it finally died down. The only thing that stopped it was being trans and making a huge thing of it for another two years. I.e. reminding people in every video that I would never change and my name has been legally changed, etc. That’s what it took to shut people up.
That is so fucked up, you actually just made me cry. I know what you are talking about. I’ve never experienced it that bad but it happens so often. So sorry you had to endure that.
Well, it happened just from getting on youtube. I stuck with it only to show people I couldn’t be bullied away. Thanks for the support. (Hugs)
I tolerated so much at school, I have just hidden away since then.
I know you said you keep no pictures of yourself at all, but I would love to see one. ssashen at my dot com is a junk address I use for ‘secret’ stuff. Lol
I don’t have any pics where you can see my entire face, My blog has pics of my selfharm and piercings. My imageshack has pics of my piercings which shows parts of my face. I no longer have the lip piercings. I only have eyebrow ring and subdermal teardrop under right eye.
h ttp://mikerowedick.blogspot.com.au/
h ttps://imageshack.com/user/MikeRowedick
Thanks for sharing. I’m glad you keep a blog about your experiences. I think people need to know the truth and reality of other’s lives in this world. I have blogs scattered about unfortunately, only parts of my story surface randomly and never consistently. I hate to see those deep cuts on your arm, it looks horrible, so painful, and I don’t think you deserve it at all. It’s not your fault. Sure I like a good d*ck coz I do like to f*ck but I’ve always been too fat and ugly to get any and I’ve made myself a freak with the testosterone as its only put a light coat of hair on my back and my ass. At least my hair is thin and light, not thick and dark like my other ftm friend has it. Again it’s genetics and I’m mostly Nordic so I’m not made to be that hairy. But testosterone can force that a little beyond genetics if it’s not doing anything productive like lowering your voice or body fat. Have you tried getting prescribed testosterone? It can make the skinny ftm’s grow to the size of a micropenis so maybe it would stimulate some growth for you? Ftms also pump their growth to get bigger and can achieve sex with their wives. And yes that is self turning the cl*t into a d*ck. However I’m the odd one out because I have no interest in females. I’m into men so no man straight, gay or bi wants this fat, disgusting mess. But if you must know, mine hasn’t been changed by the testosterone. I’ve only gotten a little hair growth and slightly stronger arms. But really, I wish you wouldn’t cut like that. But I’m glad you opened up and showed me your pics. I don’t think you’re such a freak and I wish you could get to a place where you don’t cut yourself so badly.
I think blogging helps me, just writing all those crap feelings down. I don’t really care about my self harm, it helps me survive. I’m yet to find a better way of coping. I accept my reality, I know I don’t measure up and there is nothing I can do about it. If I were ever going to have a relationship it would have happened when I was in my 20’s before I developed my perversion. I know nothing will ever change for me and I have no problem with that because I survived my 20’s, 30’s and now 40’s, I doubt I will have too many more years to go, so the worst is behind me.
If you have a problem with the hair growth you can always take care of that. I’ve been lasered quiet a few times and it helps. I already take testosterone and Tamoxifen. I have had low Testosterone all my life and I suspect that I did further damage when I was in my 20’s. I used to get really frustrated having sexual urges that I could do nothing about so I got chemically castrated for 8 years with a drug called Androcur. I think that messed up my endocrine system even more that it already was. I think being chemically castrated added to my size problems but it don’t seem to work in reverse. Taking Testosterone now has no effect on size. Doctors have told me that it would have helped if I had been given Testosterone during puberty. You sound indecisive about taking testosterone. Are you going to continue with it.
Wait a sec… You said you weigh 130kg? That means nothing to me so I looked up what my dream guy weighs, and he’s 131kg. He gets on himself for being fat too. But God I can’t say enough about how much he turns me on and I love his body. Yeah he has a big stomach but his body is just so sexy. God damn.
Yeah, haha sounds like you need to tie him to the bed and not let him go.
Hah. I wish. I hate how he always says no if I even make a joke, like he is just thoroughly disgusted by the idea of being romantic or sexual with me. It kills me.
I’m sorry that happened. What they did was a hate crime in my book! Those people should be in prison and don’t even diserve to live
Oh well in WV you know the cops always told me to just get off the Internet then if it upsets people to see my face.
I had a crazy man living next door back in 2004 that threatened to kill me. He had skitsophrenia and locked himself inside the house with a gun. When I called the cops, they knocked on his door and was like “well, there’s nothing I can do if he don’t answer because we don’t have a warrant”…they could have fucking got one! I endured harassment from him for years. The second time I called the cops, they suggested that I MOVE OUT. Wtf? Things came to a blow when his step son had to shoot him to death in self defense.
Cops don’t do shit around here
@notdisgusting
that’s terrible what happened to you!!!!! It makes me sick, cant these people be punished or something… Well i did read that police do nothing and basically tell you to ‘suck it up’… How could anyone deserve such treatment? I think you are kind from what i have seen here, and you have tried really hard in this disgusting society… I am sorry. Its terrible
Thanks. And no, there’s no punishment for harassment online.
Yeah that’s true and I’ve also noticed that and there are many other aspects of this like many studies shows attractive ppl have better chance to get better/high paid jobs. I have noticed it you are very attractive ppl of both genders will show you more respect.
I am not sure whether all of this is “insanity” like you said it’s an ‘evolved behavior’ evolved over millions of years (I think there is some evolutionary advantage in this, think if you praise attractive person and stick with them, there is some small chance of mating with them and transferring your genes with more healthy genes)
I know this may sound weird and I hope I don’t offend anyone but I’ve dealt with this being mixed raced. The mixed race children with more “whiter” features (light and big eyes, small nose, and light skin) are always called beautiful. I don’t have any of these things and people have treated me like a monster.
I don’t know, like I was some strange experiment that ended up failing.
Like Obama? Lol
Like Obama? Is this good or bad? Are we starting a Obama debate..lol
Please don’t make fun of someone for being mixed. It’s common. I also work in companies that exist to help people of color. If you want to get technical, get a DNA test. I did. I’m 4% African.
Who was making fun? Was it the Obama comment?
I would like to get a DNA test one day. I think it’d be interesting to see the percentages of everything I am.
When I was in Thailand back in 2004, 2005 and 2006, all the women over there used to put a whitening lotion on their skin and the most common surgery was for them to have the bridge of their nose raised and their eyes made rounder. Obviously western media influence had got to the Thai women.
It’s strange because in America a lot of women want to be tan. I’ve heard about the “high nose” and “double eyelid” trend. It’s just unfortunate…
Same in Australia, everyone lays on the beach risking skin cancer just to be tanned. Darker skin people want to have lighter skin. It’s a crazy world.
All prejudices are equally bad to me. Your story is just as important and not offensive in the least! What’s offensive is that how people view mixed race people. I see beauty in all races. Racism is so stupid! Why should the amount of melatonin someone’s skin produces determine there value? It’s insane! It’s only a color.
I know! I went to school with idiots who looked down on me for this. I was rejected by everyone over something so stupid.
Thanks for being open minded and intelligent. We need more people like you so no one will ever have to feel rejection based on something they didn’t choose.
Thank you so much! I wish there were more people like you in this world too. Pain is pain no matter what it is! I think your pretty dang incredible myself. I look down on the people who rejected you
I was thinking about this earlier, i saw a young woman with blonde/white/dark hair all mixed up and it was natural, not dyed. She was cute too, but her hair was striking in daylight and it was one of those situations were everybody was turning around to look at her, and i just wondered… wtf? so if she didn’t have a genetic mutation she wouldn’t be as attractive to people? then i wondered if i was the only thinking that. Makes you wonder about people’s priorities.
@wndozh – Thank you. You’re amazing!
@Mf – I once saw a little boy with a patch of white hair on his head and my mother told me it’s a birthmark (maybe that’s true, idk?) Sometimes being different makes someone beautiful, but other times it can lead to cruelty and rejection.
Actually that is called getting old, lol. But yeah, i do see your mom’s point, and it is true, our differences make us unique and beautiful, like needing extra expensive milk to make a good meal (haha), but i was referring more to the fact that people seem to be obsessed by the standards of physical beauty and dismiss way too many other important things.
@hiohneh i experienced this every day. i was born with a bald spot that my twin left as a “gift”. im sure u deal with the same with your smelly issues (;
Oh, yes that is true. I don’t even care what any of the users look like on this site, I believe they are beautiful based on who they are as people.
I think that’s why it’s easier to talk online because you don’t have to see the person to know how beautiful they are.
Unless you’re on a dating website, then that’s a different story..
The Indigo Kydd – You keep popping up out of nowhere..haha. It’s easy to cover up smell though. People still stick with others even if they smell.
They have that “hair in a can” for bald spots. Was your twin conjoined at the head? How did the bald spot happen?
This isn’t a dating site? damn, and i here i was thinking of eventually making a move on windows8 (j/k).
Lol. I wonder what a dating website for suicidal depressed people would be called…
pretty sure sp has always been a dating site. no suicide partners is one thing. regular partners is what sp is all about. also i have a hard time taking the suicide partner rule seriously when the name of the site “SP” stands for suicide partners.
pretty sure sp has always been a dating site. no suicide p*rtners is one thing. regular p*rtners is what sp is all about. also i have a hard time taking the no suicide p*rtner rule seriously when the name of the site “SP” stands for suicide p*rtners.
@hiohneh, how about Dis-harmony.com ?
So many love stories started on SP, lol. I can remember 4 couples.
hiohneh- hair in a can is for mortals. i just use my pubes yknow? my twin was a tad razor happy in there. maybe thats what my twin did? cut her wrists with the razor n said fuck this n left me with a little practical joke huh.
not funny dyana. not funny. she had the right idea to self exit tho. she beat me to it
Love and romance are always complicated, now add some suicide to the mix.
1bigzero – lol that’s good!
Tristeza- That’s so sweet. I didn’t even know that. It’s nice when suicidal thoughts and depression can turn into love. Omg someone needs to write that romance novel. T___T
Indigo – K, I guess that’s an option as well. I’m pretty sure that was an SNL skit though. Lol
I remember I watched a story about a baby who was born with her twin’s head attached to hers. There is not much to watch on TV during the day, it was kind of creepy. =/
At least it’s nice to know that it goes in both ways (i mean, at times bad love ends in suicide, so it’s good to know that the opposite can happen as well).
i wouldnt know. never watch SNL.
yknow what is quality daytime programming? Maury. i can fuckin watch that for longer than id like to admit.
AND THE LIE DETECTOR TEST SAYS THATS A LIE TOO! lmao. dead.
yknow “once u go black u never go back”? well once u go suicide u never go back trumps that one. its just no fun if your p*rtner is stable yknow.
Haha SNL is bad. It’s good you don’t watch it.
I grew up on Maury.
Random guy…..YOU ARE THE FATHER
But if you’re happy with your love and relationship you won’t kill yourself…
haha! high five hiohneh!! *smack* AND THE LIE DETECTOR TEST DETERMINES… YOU ARE NOT 3D!
@hiohneh Maybe someone already wrote that. Very cute, I know. I don’t know what happened to two couples after they left, but I hope they’re happy ^^
THAT’S A LIE! THAT LIE DETECTOR IS LYING!!!
Tristeza – Me too, I hope they are all doing well. I haven’t read a novel in a while, I should look around and see if someone wrote something with a plot like that.
If not, I’ll write it and go full on 50 shades of grey. Haha
Scary. Interesting but scary.
Same here, I haven’t read a novel since mid 2014 I think. Hehe, you should write it for real if you like writing ^^ it’s always a great hobby. Now if you should add some 50 shades of grey to it, idk lol. But I can draw the cover for you with shirtless anime girls.
Hehe and even if it’s written poorly, it would still turn a profit. 50 shades of grey was a poorly written book and she’s a millionaire now because of it.
I would very much enjoy the shirtless anime girls cover illustration. That will really bring in the money $$…I mean the readers.
…. And I have also noticed that ppl behave very good with very attractive person….. (Not sure how it got deleted)**
It’s simple evolution. We are hard wired to find something attractive so we breed. What is attractive changes over time but nowadays is heavily influenced by media.
I know online iq tests are fake.. I got 160 in one of them..
oops wrong thread
Most human beings are naturally opportunistic and therefore, shallow. There is no such thing as “unconditional love” or anything like that, it’s all just a lie you’re told as a child. I notice this is common when you try to integrate with most normal people. The concepts of your post is something I’ve been reflecting on since the seventh grade and even so, there are also some bleak moments of compassion in people, it just doesn’t happen very often.
@hiohneh we got a DNA swab hiohneh..! and guess what it says? YOU. ARE. NOT. THE. 3D. FATHER.
but you are the mother in 2D… fyi
Lol plot twist!!!
* laughs and dances while baby mama runs backstage crying* I TOLD YOU B*TCH!!!
i am the baby mama!! and im sayin aww thank ya lawd oh glory glory glory. hallelujah thank ya MAURY
Maury Povich should change the name of his show to “Who’s Your Daddy”l? (I’ll bet you don’t even know, huh. One of the seven guys your mom had sex with 9 months before you were born).
but make it gangsta: Whoz Yo Daddeh, *****?
I remember there was one where the mother claimed the guy who was being DNA tested had to be the father because the child has eyebrows and she doesn’t.
hahhaa no way!! holy fuck that doesnt surprise me. so many pathetically good ones uh? and i love how Maury positions the show so as to always have black people on the show. its like: he knows those mamaz are guna lose their shit either way!
It’s beyond hilarious.
These women can’t even remember who they had sex with, and they say “I’m a thousand percent sure he’s the father”.
Ugggh. .
hahhaha. all the while the guy is sweating BUCKETS hoping to god its not him. fuckin hIGHlarious *maury voice * Jamal, You are the father! * black female audience ERUPTS
I always remember that video of that guy breakdancing when he finds out he isn’t the father, was Jerry Springer? i don’t know but it gets me every time, haha.
Christ Almighty.
The moment that daytime television becomes the highlight of your life is a good time to kill yourself.
I’ve never told anyone to kill themselves, but if Springer or Pauvich is what keeps you tethered to this planet…. research the Helium Hood method or inquire about gun laws in your jurisdiction.
Good point, but if i do that you won’t be able to make the greatest hits album 😀
(i just said it was funny! i’m not that insane yet!)
I’ve always noticed that the commercials played during the break of these daytime shows are usually for schools. It’s like they are screaming to people to stop watching this crap and get an education.
Is it just me or everyone stopped replying to everything in the exact same moment that you mentioned the words education and school? lol.
Oops, my bad. I thought indigo was messing with the site. Okay, I promise I’ll be good and never mention those dangerous things lol.
well i find my online boyfriend attractive, even if he looks old for 52 (from smoking). People see him and automatically think he is some creepy old man who is ‘not quite right’, whatever the fuck that’s meant to mean.
i wont mention myself, i just don’t fit the criteria of being ugly enough… That said, society does find me to be physically ugly.
The world is not civilized. We can never be civilized when we judge everyone and everything… Look past someone’s appearance for once.
nobody asked to be born. Nobody asked to look a certain way. Nobody asked to be a certain race, colour, or weight.
Oops, i hope i didn’t sound racist there.