I have just graduated high school and in high school a few of my friends developed eating disorders and got extremely thin. I remember being worried about them and thinking what they were doing was crazy and trying to think of anything I could do to help without harming our friendship. As I got older and gained weight while some of my friends didn’t because of their disorders or over cautious dieting, I started to feel self conscious about my size and disliked my body a lot. Also with all of the media portrayal of perfectly skinny girls I felt very ashamed of my size and how much I ate. I am about to start my freshman year of college and all summer I have been taking laxatives and working out like crazy, thinking it’s no big deal it just makes me feel better. I am also on ADHD medicine for my ADHD but have been taking it to suppress my appetite every once in a while. I generally eat pretty healthy but
I am a total binge eater so I eat a lot and feel guilty, horrible, and ashamed after. Tonight I made myself throw up three times. I have never done this before until tonight. It dawned on me that I have a huge problem. I looked up bulimia and have decided that I have been acting bulimic and would even go as far as to say that I think I have bulimia. I am really freaked out and don’t know what to do. I am going to tell myself I don’t want to do it anymore. I wish I could talk to someone, but if I tell my friends they will freak out and if I tell my parents I think my mom will freak out and won’t let me go to school in the fall. I was thinking of maybe trying to talk to a therapist when I get to school, but will they tell my parents? I don’t want my parents to worry about me or not let me go. If anyone has advice I would appreciate it because I am really freaked out.
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
2 comments
You have no reason to hate your body.
Being too skinny isn’t healthy either. If you’re within a healthy level of weight it should be good enough.
Even if you have a bit of extra weight on though, that doesn’t make you unattractive or bad or anything like that, and you have no reason to be ashamed.
TV has a lot of… stupid stuff on it. You should really never listen to what you see on TV on any case, not just on this.
Different people have different tastes and ideas of what is pretty/attractive so even if that’s portraited as ‘perfect’ or ‘beautiful’ doesn’t mean it really is and the only thing that is.
Also weight isn’t the only thing about how a person looks.
Taking too much Laxatives and vomiting often, that can cause your body a lot of problems later. It’s not worth it, and personally i really really hate the feeling after vomiting so i would say it’s really worth avoiding if you can.
If you’re eating healthy and work out that should be good enough if you keep at it, without the laxatives and vomiting (these actually hurt your progress rather than anything), and you shouldn’t really strict yourself to a certain diet.
If you eat a normal organized full-meals it should be good enough and actually help you out in avoiding binge-eating.
If you can talk to a school counselor that should be good, yes.
They might contact your parents if they think it’s serious enough but they may be able to help you before that so it’s worth it.
I think there’s a page with some info about eating disorders at helpguide.org but you probably looked it all up online already.
It’s always better getting help from someone who knows how to and can help, so if you can try and see if you can talk to a therapist there, that would be best imo.
Therapists can’t contact your parents unless you’re a serious danger to yourself or someone else. I’ve talked with my former therapist about my eating disorder and she did not contact my parents at all.
Eating disorders are hell. I can see you want to go to school and not have it affect your life. Before you attend school, is there anyway you can see a doctor? A doctor will be able to see if your body has been affected, but also give you advice on how to break these habits.
I understand what you’re going through and it’s good you know something is wrong. You can recover from this, and I think a therapist will help you in that process.