Well, I’m here and I will keep moving forward, yesterday I left my dad’s house, I plan on living with my mom from now on, don’t know for how long and don’t wanna think about it right now, my dad is kinda down, he suffers from “depression” (I think it’s like that, don’t know how to say it in English) so yeah… my departure made him feel very bad, and I keep blamming me for this, being responsible for someone’s sadness like that, that’s very heavy! I feel so… sellfish. I always cared for the others first but they can’t see or feel it and never really cared about me, but no one gets that! I just wanna follow my own way, find my own happiness…
share your suicide story
Report Post
Please log in to report posts
77 comments
Take any chance you can get to find your own happiness. Happiness is hard to find. I’m only fifteen and I’ve already given up
Why you have given up but are saying for me to keep trying?
You look like me Yu, you are very concerned by other people.
I don’t think you should feel guilty for your dad’s depression, but guilty is often something very emotional, and not very rational.
. When you live with someone, you forget you live with the person. I don’t know if you undestand what I mean. If you visit your father often, you can help him, and it will be probably better than staying with him. He will be happy at each of your visit. So you can help him a lot, and live your own life. You can make both. But you can’t heal your father, you can only help him, sometimes a little, sometimes a lot, it dependds, but that’s all. You have to accept it. Do you know why he is depressed, and is he trying to heal himself, with a psychologist, with activities, etc?
Where are you from?
I’m from Brazil, he does take medicines but he doesn’t make therapy whatsoever so yeah… it can be very complicated. If you could I’do like to talk a little more with you. What you said helped me a lot.
@Yu ultimamente só tem brasileiros aqui, huh
I’m so happy to have helped you even a little. It comforts me a lot when I’m a little useful to other people. Yes, we can chat privately if you want. There is a lot of interesting people here, I’m surprised, because it has been a long time since I met sensitive people. Everyone outside seems so insensitive and only worried by themselves. It’s the reason why I abandoned the idea to have new friends.
Yeah… Actually I do happen to also know Reiko. It was her who showed me this site. I would write in Portuguese but I don’the wanna leave Frenchy out of this.
But that’s the fun part (jk…okay, half jk. I love it). Reiko was 3rd Brazilian I’ve met here this month. I guess that I’ve talked to at least 8 or 9 in the past 2 years though. Are you from São Paulo? I’d like to apologize to her btw, I’ve been taking forever to answer my emails lately. I’ll email her asap tomorrow.
What, you didn’t know that SP is also an acronym for suicidal portuguese? *runs away*
(sorry couldn’t resist).
@Mf Lol ! That’s funny. I’d like to add that 5 of the Brazilians I mentioned live in SP in real life (São Paulo). Coincidence? I don’t think so!
That’s actually kinda scary 😀
Finding happiness is hard and part of being happy is willing yourself to open up. People can make their own happiness. And maybe in supposed to do that by helping others find theirs.
Jesus i just figured that SP is also an acronym for Sailor Pluto…
@Mf Sailor Pluto? Ewwww
Sailor Moon, teaching girls to feel old at 21, one at a time.
@Mf The weirdest thing is that Sailor Venus was always my favorite and in that video she says she’s going to kill herself… Coincidence? I don’t think so O:
My favorite was Sailor Mercury, which was my ex’s favorite as well, and my ex makes me want to kill myself… Coincidence?
Haha, no, but seriously, this is starting to look like a Dan Brown book.
It’s the Sailor Moon curse…
I like Mercury because her color was blue, but Venus and Moon were the funniest. Especially when together; those two airheads, ha *nostalgia*
I’m off to bed now, Mf.
Sleep well (or have a great day because I’m not sure or where you are)
Of* yes, a typo. Surprise. My first typo free comment thread ever and I ruin it in the final seconds, lol. Night!
If you like Sailor Moon then go watch Mahou Shoujo Madoka Magica!
I haven’t watched anything new lately; I just revisit my favorite old classics but my sister loves Madoka, everybody says it’s great.
Hey, I know Brasil is big, but you could meet each other, eventually?
I almost made that happen last year. I met someone from SP here (I mean, São Paulo) who I became good friends with. Unfortunately his health deteriorated so our plans changed, but if things were a bit different I would probably have bought tickets to go see him in person. Maybe someday.
Nope. I happen to be from Rio De Janeiro.
@Yu And they say people can’t be sad in Rio…
Hey, Tristeza, are you ready to help people here, or to try? There are men here that things they will remain virgin all their life because their appearance are bad. Do you agree with me women are not so picky, and that sometimes changing some details (sometimes there are several ones) that make the women rejects them can fix the problem. I saw many men that were ugly married and father, do you agree with me?
Frenchy, I can tell you from personal experience that women are very picky when there dealing with guys like me. It’s not a gender thing ethier. I’m sure men are just as picky.
Idk if I can do that today — I feel terrible, moody and cranky because my sleep schedule is crazy, I slept for 4h and now I’m at college. But I can try.
Honestly, I think that what women ultimately want is to be loved. Cliché, but true. Not only women but men too. I won’t say that looks don’t matter to people because they do — people like to have pleasant looking people around them. However, who wants to stay with someone that looks good but has no kindness, no empathy and shows no respect for you? No one.
Sometimes women stay with men because they think they can fix them, that’s why they put up with some insane things.
I’m a virgin too and I took the decision to remain one. I can’t say much about “real life relationships” because I don’t have much experience with them.
@wndozh8er Yes, it’s a gender thing. Guys are exactly the same.
It’s good to be a virgin when it’s your decision. There is no hurry. You can lost your virginity at any age, or never if it’s your choice. People, STOP to be normative! To be virgin is not a disease; Virgin people are maybe like monsters in our modern society, but it was not true in the past. Two of my grand-uncles remains virgin, because they never been married, and everyone loved them, none never said bad things in my family about that, and I don’t think outside the family neither, because it was not a disease at this time.
I was agreeing with you. That’s why I said it wasn’t a gender thing. Meaning it’s equal among men and women
I understand why men think that virginity is like a disease. There’s a lot of pressure everywhere
.. They all need to pretend to be good in bed and have their own harem. Women suffer too but not as much as them.
Yes, I made this decision based on many things. One of them is my past. But I believe that I would have made the same decision if my life had been different. I will probably have sex someday, but I know it won’t happen any time soon.
@wndozh8er Dunno if you were talking to me but I know lol. I was just agreeing with you too, I forgot to type “not”.
People ignore my extra clumsiness today, I’m still half awake.
Oh lol sorry
In psychology, when you have poor self-esteem, you attract prey hunters, that’s like a math equation. So, no wonder they attracted this kind of girls.
I really think men are more picky with women than women with men. Of course, a lot of women are picky, like spoiled brat, but look their husband later, they are not all sex symbols. But men are hunters and always want the sexiest girl they can find. No way to make a man happy if you’re not super sexy, or if you are normal, and your husband meet more beautiful women than you, he always be very sad.
Be realistic. Open your eyes, what do you see when you look around? You see perfect girls in ads everywhere, but do you see your city’s walls with hot men everywhere: no, everywhere it’s hot chicks. So it’s easy to see men are more concerned with high standards of appearance. Men are more visual than women. To have an erection, they need to look, women are aroused by the tone of the voice, by confidence, by words, etc.
Oh no. Men and women are just as picky. With me – extremely picky
Men are pickiest with looks; (some) women (sadly) want the guy with more money, the best job, etc. They’re picky in different ways.
Yes, exactly Tristeza. Men (large majority, almost all of them) want the more sexy or beautiful girls, and a lot of women are interested in money or power. But men who looks for beautiful girls are more than women who are interested in money/power, because the other part of women are interested in stability, a father for my children… (especially when they had several relationships, and the men were very unstable/childish/afraid of a real relationship), there is another part of woman who are interested in hunting (not reachable men), or are interested in destructive men (the nurse syndrom), but it’s not the majority.
Stability, definitely. That’s all I want in my life. I work and I love what I do so I’m not crazy for anyone’s money. But I just want to be loved today knowing that I’m going to be loved tomorrow as well. I know that we can’t predict the future and things change, that’s human nature. But I like feeling safe and comforted… and having someone to tell me that things are going to be okay. If things are not going to be okay, please stay with me through the mess and the chaos. I’m the type of person that never leaves either.
So you see Tristeza, we are a lot of women to consider security, affection,etc are better than appearance, and appearance that shows you will be protected by a man (large shoulders) matters for us because it’s psychological. But men don’t undestand women, they are all visual, and they think we are like them. Men who are clever enough to realize a male brain and a female brain have totally different way of working, are very scarce. They work a way, they think we work the same way! And almost all men I know are like this They don’t want to try to understand women. The first step is to accept we don’t have the same way to work !!
Maybe our SP fellows were unlucky enough to only meet shallow women in their lives.
No way I believe you, it’s opposed to the logics. Look around you. Maybe you are not that kind of guy, but it’s maybe 1% I don’t know.
I’m not a virgin, and I met some men, I had some male friends, some female friends, and I saw the female happy with their husband/boyfriends, even when they were ugly, because they were reasuring, they felt in security with them (very important for a woman), and I always saw men looking for girls more beautiful than their women/girl friends, even the one pretending to be really in love, when another woman comes, hormons talk… So, never you would make me believe that the number one for guy is not appearance, it’s 75% 80% of the thing. For women, I would say it’s 60%.
I read latest studies that say that it’s equal. For me personally I was hardly picky at all while the women around me was extremely picky. In reality it’s probably different from person to person. Not sure that any of us can apsay who’s worse
Don’t believe studies. Real experience is better. You suffered from rejection, so you are a special case. I never met a man in my whole life who weren’t interested by appearance as a number one, except men who had suffered from rejection. A clever girl has no chance to seduce a man with her wit and intelligence, that’s fact. If she’s beautiful, intelligence matters, but if she’s not, it’s nothing.
If I went by personal experience alone, I’d say that women are far more picky, but if I observe the world around me and how others behave, it’s pretty equal. Depends on the person
So, please explain why men are visual in sex, and women are not (sight is not the first sense for a women to be sexually aroused, but it is for men), and explain why the walls are full of perfect ladies everywhere, and they are not full of perfect men. Explain why the more I show my body, the more invitation I have, and a men doesn’t have to show his body for that, he has to show his confidence, that’s the thing that impress women. Explain me why men always look at ladies in the street, and we don’t do that. Highly illogical.
I am told that most men are visual when it comes to the physical sexual act but they can separate the physical act of sex from love and relationships where women need can not separate them. I wouldn’t know. It don’t work like that for me.
All the female beauty used in advertising is there because most advertising execs are male and they know men are visual and they know women prefer to see images of other women so they can compare and compete, so they capture a wider audience by getting male and female interest. Using just a ripped male model would only get women looking and no men.
@Somebody You’re wrong, the people who buy the most are women. And they are so brainwashed now, that they also buy when they see beautiful woman, because our society showed us it’s the main interesting feature of women, so they have to identify themselves to beautiful ladies. It’s the only way to have men (or husband)’s attention. And I talk form experience, my experience, my female friend experience too. So many cases where the couple is down, because the man became unhappy with the woman’s appearance, you change the woman appearance, and the husband is loving again! That’s always magical, never saw a case where it fails, except when the woman is abusive with the husband.
I have no idea about relationships. I was just referring to advertising and what you said backed up what I was trying to say. That’s why advertisers use images of women, they get the attention of both sexes.
They get the attention of both sex, because of men’s visual obsession.
Ultimately, yes, Women want to compare to the visual images that men drool over.
Your perversion is very dangerous and you should work on it, because I’m convinced you can have a serious relationship, but with some help. What do you think about my message about the two choices?
I don’t feel like there are any choices. There is no adequate surgery available. Looked into it. Already Been to Thailand and had surgery to remove breasts. I don’t want a relationship with anyone. I have had women interested in me before. One woman I knew for about a year wanted to come visit me for a “dirty weekend” (her words) but I refused to arrange the meeting. She wouldn’t stop asking to meet me so I wanted to know before hand how she would react. I sent her a pic of my penis and said I found the photo online. I asked her what would she do if she took a guy home and found that his penis was like this. She freaked and said OMG that’s fucking gross, that guy should never expect any woman to ever touch that thing. I told her it was a photo of my penis and that is why I wouldn’t meet her. She accused me of setting her up.
I simply wanted an unbiased reaction of what she thought and I got it.
According to what you say, the woman with the “dirty we” is not the kind of woman that is for you. It was very clumbsy of you to introduce the things like that. Stop hurting yourself with that, you had been hurted in this story because you didn’t know how to do, and you needed someone to give you advices, but as you had nobody, you made a mistake. Forget about that. I know it’s hard because it hurts, but you won’t do this mistake again, so it’s a lesson the hard way. Forget the “fucking gross” a lot of people are too normative, but not every people are like that. With good advices and help, you can manage to find the right person.
If you can’t have surgery, you have to meet a woman who have small needs, and this kind of women exist, and they are full of love.
You can’t go with any woman, you need a person who can fit with you, a person who can accept you, good news ! this kind of woman exist.
I guess you don’t have a great libido because of your homons problem?
Why would you have to go all the way to Thailand to get a breast reduction for gynecomastia?
Seems like a surgery like that would be readily avalible in every developed country
Iv’e done similar things with every woman who has been interested in me. I don’t want some woman developing feelings for me first and then when she finds about my deformity she tolerates it because she has feelings for me. I don’t want to be something that any woman has to tolerate or make allowances for. I don’t want to live my life feeling inferior to all her previous partners.
Went to Thailand because it was cheaper to have a weeks holiday in Thailand and have surgery than just pay for surgery in Australia. Saved thousands. Plus it was going to be over 12 months wait in Aus, go it done within 1 month in Thailand.
Iv’e done similar things with every woman who has been interested in me. I don’t want some woman developing feelings for me first and then when she finds about my deformity she tolerates it because she has feelings for me. I don’t want to be something that any woman has to tolerate or make allowances for. I don’t want to live my life feeling inferior to all her previous partners. I have never found any doctors who will treat my hormone problem so I treat myself and I often masturbate 5 times a day so it is a problem. If I don’t take hormone replacement I get really depressed and can not function.
Your comment is awaiting moderation…. But Why
Iv’e done similar things with every woman who has been interested in me. I don’t want some woman developing feelings for me first and then when she finds about my deformity she tolerates it because she has feelings for me. I don’t want to be something that any woman has to tolerate or make allowances for. I don’t want to live my life feeling inferior to all her previous partners. I have never found any doctors who will treat my hormone problem so I treat myself and I often masturbate 5 times a day so it is a problem. If I don’t take hormone replacement I get really depressed and can not function
Well I have been with 4 women, that has to count for something. The first one was when I was 16. We only seen each other 3 times. Than I had to wait till I was 23 for my next one…..she was a shallow ***** who dumped me for someone else…,even after I helped her move into her apartment. Than when I was 24 by a psychopath I went to see in SC. Oh she was a liar, cheater and got off on mind games. She than used someone else. That fucked me over for good. Than I met the one, who I’m still in love with today, in 2009, we finally meet in 2011. We lived together for 3 years but our problems got in the way of our relationship so I moved back home. We are still in love. I haven’t had much of a dating life,
Girl 1 – only had sex with once
girl 2 – once as well
Girl 3 – twice
Girl 4 – we lived with each other for years. I’m not gonna put a number
The prey attract the prey hunters. Think about that. It’s always the same people who attract that kind of girls, and it’s because of low self-esteem, and the more unfair in all this story, is that the more you attract noxious girls, the less self-esteem you have, and so, next time, it’s always worse.
Well I have been with over 3000 women, yes, not making this up. Everyone of them was a prostitute and everyone of them either burst out laughing or was repulsed because I have a micropenis. Does that experience count for anything. haha
Prostitutes are not relationship, so no it doesn’t really count. You don’t really learn from women with them.
. And yes, a micropenis is a problem. There is surgery (I don’t know if it’s possible for you, you are the only one to know), and the second option is girls who will be ok with micropenis, because they have small needs. So you have 2 options, and you have to accept either one or the other. With an operation, you can be happy, and with a loving woman with small sexual needs, you could be also happy. But staying like you are right now, you can’t.
Hey, prostitutes are people too. They have bills to pay, and they need to earn a living just like everyone else.
Try to remember that Jesus was friends with prostitutes. Are you gonna hate on JC ’cause he hung out with pro’s?
@Morris.
What is the link with the discussion? I’ve never said they weren’t useful, or human beings, I said it counts for nothing in relationship experience with a woman. Seeing a prostitute and having a girl friend, I don’t see the links. Some sexual skills maybe, but that’s all. I heard some men goes to prostitute to chat because they feel alone, but it’s not all prostitutes that are psychologist, I guess many of them have a whoremonger to pay, so they have no time for that.
@Frenchy; Prostitutes aren’t any different from any other woman, except for the fact that with a pro sex is guaranteed.
With a girlfriend a man will spend money on dinner, drinks, entertainment, and he will have to listen to her talk. After all of that work, the man still might not get her to go to bed with him.
With a prostitute a man can pay for what he wants and skip the small talk. It’s an easy, straight forward exchange.
A non prostitute relationship is messy. Complicated. Tiresome. It’s a lot of work. Pros are way more convenient.
Prostitutes are allowed to burst out laughing like that? I heard there pimps get pissed if one laughs or makes fun of you. I heard that there instructed not to laugh unless it’s something that turns you on.
Paying for a prostitute’s services is also a good thing to do if you’re a commitment-phobe who’s terrified of real women. That way you just have to deal with her for a couple hours or less, then you can leave. If you like to see yourself as a player but you’re really not, it’s an easy way to “score” chicks. (Just don’t tell anyone that you paid for all the ladies you bedded.)
No pimps in Australia. legal brothels regulated by government. I had a Psychiatrist once tell me that I was being laughed at and humiliated because they were lowlife hookers and I needed to find so called normal women. So I did and the normal women were far quicker to laugh at me and humiliate me and they were the ones to first convince me to cut my wrists. They told me I was worth;less and no woman would ever be satisfied with me and I should cut my wrists while they laughed at me. So I did and then they laughed even more and tried to get me to cut my throat and then to cut my penis off. They said I may as well make myself into the girl that I really am.
Wow wtf. You knew some evil bitches
They were just regular women from caming sites. I think that particular time it was a Yahoo group. After 30 years of being degraded and humiliated by every woman who has ever seen me naked, I developed a humiliation perversion and now humiliation is the only thing that arouses me. I still go to sites like Camfrog and chaturbate.
@windowseitghter 3 years it’s a lot. Why don’t you try to go back with this person if you still loves her, and she still loves you?
@ SI thats fuckin nutzo not funzo. my heart goes out to u.
That’s the main thing that has messed me up mentally. It is so fucked