Soooo this is my first post thingy so no hate unless its at least funny and please comment your own thoughts.
I wanna start out by saying how weird life is and how unbelievably random it could be, but also how planed it ends up being. Like if I make a good choice to hang out with my first friend which goes into a bad decision of doing drugs, which leads to a path with fake friends. Then of course ended up here at block one with no friends just to start all over.
But I cant help to say that I kinda liked that part of my life. Maybe even loved it. Sure it was mostly based on drugs and I could see that life going completely no where, but it was at least a life, right? Like at least I had a group of friends that kinda cared about me and at first that’s all I really wanted.
But as I lay here in my bed typing this, I wanna say that the ”drug” part of my life where I was sociable and not shy lead me to be here and made be stronger. I learned more about me and to do what makes me happy and not so much as what makes others happy. Which is needless to say but other peoples happiness is important to, but to do what truly makes you happy is to do it on your own.
So as I lay here alone I truly think that i’m starting to get some inner peace. With a small circle of friends and only and handful of family I would say that i’m at least starting to get the hang of being alone..lol is that good?
Maybe a post for a different day, but didn’t that sound terrible. With some friends and family i’m getting better at being alone? What does that mean? Maybe a small key to life or something but how could I still feel so alone and just plane o empty.
Maybe its the part of me that’s gotten stronger. Correct me if i’m wrong but maybe that’s why I was so weak, is because I didn’t realize that i’m going to be alone my entire life no matter if I have family, friends, or the love of my life. Because only me is going to have to deal with what i’m going through and will be able to understand exactly what I mean.
1 comment
I read your post and it sort of hit home. It all sounds eerily familiar. Anywhooo, I would like to comment on the part of
“But I cant help to say that I kinda liked that part of my life. Maybe even loved it. Sure it was mostly based on drugs and I could see that life going completely no where, but it was at least a life, right? Like at least I had a group of friends that kinda cared about me and at first that’s all I really wanted.”
I definitely know exactly what you’re talking about. I was into the party scene pretty hard. Some would say a little too hard…most would say that. Haha. Now eh days I’m a lot more reserved, hell, you will hardly catch me out of my house. I definitely catch myself some times day dreaming about going back to the scene. I use to Crack jokes about specific drugs because my false happiness. Haha. I had people around that I had a good time with, great times with. And I didn’t feel so out of place. I loved every second of it, but it comes a point where it’s best to walk away. It’s comforting knowing that I’m not the only person who made a change like that and miss it.
I feel the same way about it being a life. At this point i am just existing and not living. The fun you did have was awesome and you will always have those happier moments to look back on. Just make sure to keep temptations at bay. I know thats hard some times but it seems like you definitely have a good outlook thus far. Getting the hang of being alone is not a bad thing. Some times being alone is the only way you can truly find yourself.
I definitely took this post positively!