How Did I Fuck Up So Bad?

The only reason why I haven’t killed myself yet is my mother. She’d be crushed, and I don’t want to hurt anyone because of me killing myself.. I’m probably just going through a “phase”.. Well that’s what I hope… It sucks, I feel like I have a pretty bright future ahead of me: good grades, great Offensive Tackle, But I have basically 3 friends, and one of them is just done with me, and I don’t know how I fucked up so bad.. But some things are too much, my stepdad having stage 3 kidney cancer.. And earlier tonight, my “friend” had just said that she disliked me… And wouldn’t tell me why. I mean.. She doesn’t talk to me, hell, she doesn’t even look at me… How come I just fuck everything up?! I just gotta ask, does anyone have any tips to help me move on from the “friendship”? I’m tired and sore from football, I’m going to sleep now.. Sleep helps, just drifting off into dreamland… Apologies that I’ve gone on a rant.