i have been wanting to die for a decade. When I first came on here, I was really looking at 6 months to a year to live, enough for a “peaceful death”. Now that everything crashed around me on top of the crap I already been going though, I can’t stand another moment on this BBBofBS. The depression and PTSD is so bad that it hurts.
Thanks to my basement, I got a nice little workshop going on. Building two unique things that should make me pass out faster.
when I go to the doctor this week I’m gonna ask for sleeping pills “because I been having trouble sleeping” and try to secure some Vodka “so I can have a nice drink”
I’m tired of researching, waiting, and all that bs. I just need to go. I realized – even if I do suffer some, so? Would that be more painful than if I stay alive until December? 7 mins and I will never feel anything again. Only 7 mins! Probably be passed out within 3 mins. That is an incredibly small span of time. That’s what I’m gonna keep telling myself as I’m crossing the Finnish line.
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Despiration forces the mind to become creative. Just as Neolithic societies learned to farm to stay alive, just as Neanderthals learned to wear animal furs to stay warm, I came up with a solution to stay dead.
Even though I wanted to wait longer to end my own life, these past few days have shown me thst I need to speed up the process even faster. I got very creative though my desperation and found my solution. I will live today, and very well could be alive this time next week. I hope to be gone within 2 weeks, could be a little sooner or alittle later. I got to play out things very secretively and secure everything I need without getting cought. Of course I love everyone in here and will keep posting until then.
It’s gonna be 2 parts inside the body, two parts outside of it. So I need 4 things. Since I can’t talk about methods, I can’t go into much detail Unfortunatly. I wish I could share everything with you all.
Just like I secured muscle relaxers because I’m in so much pain. And it’s the truth, I’m tempted to take one to see if it does help, but I don’t want to waste any of the precious and limited supply. *evil grin* I feel a little bad if I did succeed, for my poor doctor, he is a nice guy and he’s cute. Lol
Ha I don’t blame ya. If I’m prescribed sleeping pills, I may take 1 to see what it does. Just to get a taste of what’s to come. I’m gonna make my aunt believe I’m taking em every night. I’ll hide em in a secure location. I need to be in an altered state of mind so that my panic response is weakened when I use the other two methods.
I’m glad you’re thinking it through. Not that you’re thinking about it, but it sounds like something that’s hard to succeed in without help… So I’m glad you’re being cautious.
Not glad to think about you leaving though. I came online because I couldn’t sleep, and the site kind of woke up since you started posting. 🙂
Thank you for your love and support, means a lot to me.. I am thinking it though and yes I’m scared but I’m more scared of living like this. According to the book I read it will work. Not the top recommended method. I’m also working on something else that will compliment it.
Well it’s good to know that it’ll work and you’ll be safe from any mistakes when it happens. X
I’ll be here for you whatever you decide to do. You will be missed, but why suffer anymore? I am sorry this world is shit, hasn’t been great to me either, or others here. People are shit. Shit!!!!! Society: educated, civilized…. Don’t give me bullshit society, we are all ANIMALS. We all have INSTINCTS. We are NO DIFFERENT TO LIONS IN THE WILD!!!! We are wild animals!!!! Maybe I don’t go outside and see people killing each other physically, but people are being killed emotionally every day!!!! People don’t get punished for emotional abuse!!!! We are meant to get over it!!!! If we are physically hurt, that’s different. If we don’t fit into society, we are ILL. WTF?????? SOCIETY IS ILL, hey society, you did tell us to be ourselves, so we tried, and we are ill for not fitting in.
We are still wild animals! We cannot be educated!!!! LOOOK AT A ZOO! do you see the tiger pacing back and forth? The tiger is bored as fuck!!! Jump into an animal cage with bears!!!! They will eat you!!! Animals cannot be tamed either. Zoos are cruel anyway
Thank you so much. I’ll be here for you as long as I am alive too. I’m really sorry the world treated you like shit too. I love your animal analogy. We are animals but with more “intelligent” brains. This equals more intelligent peedators. I’m sorry society treated you horribly too. This world fucking sucks.