I will overcome my mistakes!

I feel very depressed when I look at my 17-year-old self and remember the hasty choices that I made regarding my career. I’ve ever been very responsible with my school activities and, indeed, I’ve ever excelled; however, fear and anxiety usually devoured my guts so that I couldn’t take the risks and apply to a more profitable major/career at college. When I see my friends who weren’t afraid, chose the right thing and succeeded, I do just want to die; because time doesn’t go back and it sounds like I threw all my opportunities away. Today I’m 27 and I see no other solution than starting again from zero; it also kills me because all of my friends already have their families, their jobs, and, in spite of all my efforts to succeed someday, I’m still a shrimp with a PhD title, which is worth nothing. If I had the guts, I’d easily suicide; but I don’t, so I’ll have to suffer all the distress of college again to try to become somebody in life. And maybe when I am 40, I’ll be happy with my choices.