wow…. reading through a few peoples stories i have def found the right site. i had no idea anything like this existed. wish i had found this place sooner.
basically i have been in a living hell for the past 4 years, on a downward spiral is an understatement. short version is probably very familiar to a lot of others here.
a toxic mixture of a bad choice of friends, all kinds of drugs and what i can only describe as “shitty luck” has left me with constant uncontrollable anxiety/panic, painful intrusive memories that i wish i could forget, loss of ALL social function etc etc and tortuous physical things such as constant cold sweating to the point i have to carry a towel about with me and very painful stomach/gut pain that i wake up to every single bloody day. im on 10 different rx meds including benzos, anti-depressant, anti-psychotic, anti-sweating, opioid painkiller, testosterone replacement blah blah blah. does it work? well no or i would be here!
i have tried and failed twice now to end my life and suffering and free my family from watching me get worse and worse, i have no dependents. have been single since my ex had enough of me over 3 years ago and literally no friends. i’m sure my family would be very hurt should i go…. but im past the point of no return.
i dont know what im expecting from writing this to be honest. but any advice or comments are welcome.
2 comments
I’m sorry to hear all that. As I tell the others on this site, though: You ARE still here, so that means that you still have life to live and life to give. You still have breath, so you still have purpose, and are not finished yet.
Is there really no avenues left in your life? You still have the unique voice and perspective that only you have, and like so many (or all) here, you are a good writer — so that is still a skill that can be used in some productive way and not wasted — like for blogging or writing for a company.
For too many of us here, we need to make a 180 because we keep doing what Einstein says about continuing to do the same thing over and over again and expecting different results: Which is madness.
You might be hanging by a thread, but perhaps it’s not to late to make a u-turn now and stick to that new path of straight and narrow and not deviate anymore — not give into those bad temptations that derail you anymore. Do things differently, surround yourself with the people you want to be like, etc.
That’s all for now, if more comes to my mind, I may add it later. Hope things turn around for you.
P.S. Again, try sharpening your writing skills further and pursue something productive with that potential avenue and don’t go back to those old destructive and errant ways.
Tune out the bad voices, listen to the good constructive and corrective voices, too and rebuild from there. Best wishes.