* lame mushy relationship problem* I met a nice guy, genuinely true and honest and down right lovely, described by his friend as the ‘virginest virgin’. we’ve been closeish friends for a year, and a week ago we found out we both liked each other. we are both awkward. its been so awkward. he knows all about me, my depression, suicide attempts, self harm, anxiety attacks, being sexually abused as a toddler and then being used for sex by paedophiles at 13. (now 18, new guy is a few months younger than me) I told him I’m not ready for anything physical and he seems okay, he even suggested that we just have an emotional relationship. one problem. I have no emotions, or I cant express them at all. and ive never dated anyone neither has he. He is also put off a physical relationship by my scars. what do I do? what is it to be in a purely emotional relationship? how do you deal with nice people?
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* lame mushy relationship problem” I am so happy this is the kind of problem you are having š
Sorry, never been in a relationship, so I can’t really help you here… But I would guess sharing your feelings (which you said you cant express so :/) talking about hobbies and interests, hopes for the future, stuff like that… *shrugs*
I know dealing with nice people is different… Be nice back, be careful what you say, don’t try to hurt his feelings, encourage him, listen…
You learn to care about them and try to let them know you care. That’s it really. š He sounds like the kind of person who it would be perfect for you to have in your life right now. If you can’t feel emotions and that seems to be a problem, tell him. It’s okay to be honest about it. You both know that you like him, so it isn’t like he’ll be offended and leave. It’s a problem that will take more time to solve, but meanwhile you can hopefully talk to him about it and find some comfort.
1) Don’t overthink it.
2) There’s this new thing kids these days are trying where you are close to someone but you don’t have sexytime. It’s called friendship. Try it. š
3) Talk to your therapist about how you do or do not feel. “we both liked each other” is a sure sign you DO have emotions. Getting abused can close you down but the emotions are still there. Give it time.
4) Be honest with him. Expect honesty in return.
5) Everything freeroma said.
6) Have fun together.
7) Be prepared for miscommunications. Keep a tight leash on the paranoia. Make sure he’s on the same page about that, too.
8) Learn some juggling routines that two can do.
9) Take things one day at a time.
You sound like nice people yourself. SeeSmith has made some good points above, and i strongly agree with nĀ°2, because hey, what is a relationship when you take away the physical aspect anyways? (and many people fail to see this): a good friendship.
I also wanted to add, that the fact that you think that you don’t feel emotions doesn’t mean that you can’t feel them. Liking him is already a sign that you indeed can feel something, so to steal again from SeeSmith’s dating book’s advice (lol), just don’t overthink it, be honest, and be yourself (and hope for the best, relationships are tricky, lol).
Considering how much money I paid you to talk me up, Mf, I’d appreciate it if you’d push the juggling line harder. I’ve still got a thousand copies of “Beginning Juggling for Somewhat Confused New Couples” to sell.
Oh i was meaning to tell you about that. You got duped by my evil twin, Fm. You can usually find him working at the local radio station and pitching his insane ideas about a world without mp3 players to influential people.
*runs away*