After reading it all, i guess all i can say is that i really hope one day this is just a distant memory from an almost different life for you. Goodnight, hope you sleep well.
You’ve suffered through so much. You said you want to know you are not alone and have support….we might not be there in person but this community at sp is here for you. You are important here. Wanted and needed. Hugs.
Thank you for your words, Whispers. Yes, you guys are not here in person, but I do feel the love and the support. I am really do. That means a lot to me, hugs back x
Please please know that when you stood up for yourself the chance that the same thing would happen to someone else was decreased. You started affirmatively saving lives on that day. Only you will ever be able to judge if the pain was worth it. I wish you could see the invisible ripples that your stories and actions have had on others. I wish you could measure the pain that is NOT present in the world because of you.
Have your body donated to science. Don’t give the nutters the pleasure of their small minded tsk-tsk-I-knew-there-was-something-wrong-with-her grief party.
Better yet, live to be a ripe old age with 666 rad tattoos and a best selling tell-all book.
Lol I love the idea of getting 666 rad tattoos and writing a best selling tell-all book. Hopefully my mind and heart will let me live a long, interesting, happy life. Thank you for your words… I think that deep down inside my heart I know you’re right. A few weeks ago one of my good friends said I need to go to the police someday and tell them what happened. I don’t think I’m ready to do that. Idk if I will ever be ready, but I know I should do that to save others. Ily too, many hugs x
“I did what I had to do to survive” Absolutely right. Completely, one-hundred percent right. That is nothing to be embarrassed about.
I can relate to so much of what you said, perhaps not to the same degree but yes, I understand.
Every time you put into words what happened, no matter the form, and even though it’s a *would rather be covered in flesh eating beetles while a clown sings ‘Friday’* experience, you weaken its power, even just a little.
“I think my suicide will be unplanned.”- for all of my thoughts, I think mine will be too…
I feel affection and admiration for you, never pity.
“I just don’t want to leave my online friends wondering why I never talked to them again. I don’t care if I’m morbid; I just want people to have the answers they need” That’s not morbid, that’s very considerate of you.
You shine. <3
Your English was fine, btw.
I’m sorry to hear that you relate to some parts of my past, freeroma. Yes, I don’t want to leave my friends hanging, wondering why I’m not talking to them anymore… I really care about them. Some are members of this community, so I know my death wouldn’t be so shocking, but I don’t want to leave them with doubts and unanswered questions. Many hugs <3
PS. I just read my post and I see a few words and typos I want to fix lol… But I won't because you said I'm fine. Hehe, thank you.
🙂 I hope one day you will be able to put up a post with a title that means the opposite of your tag name, and in it you will write how much better your life is. Hugs, as always, returned.
There’s something… surreal about people involved in things like this being heavily associated with churches or largely strict moral-based institutions. Say what you want about the good they can bring, there often seems to be a layer of corruption underneath. But then, I suppose that’s true for most things.
All I can do is the very basic and somewhat futile thing of saying that I wish things like this didn’t happen. I don’t blame you for keeping and considering the possible uses of that knife, either. Not one bit, although it certainly would have been a tragic end to things. Or to you, specifically. I don’t think I’d be concerned about how tragic his end was.
Also, your written (typed) English is better than a good deal of (possibly most) native English speakers, so I wouldn’t worry about it.
I’m glad I didn’t use the knife either… I can’t even imagine how things would be after that, especially if one of us had survived. About religion… I just want to stay away from religious people and churches. Honestly, I’m glad for those who have good, positive experiences with them and feel “god” in their lives — but I don’t. That cult was like a prison based on lies.
Thank you for the compliment. Funny, I feel really comfortable when I’m speaking English (I confess I’m proud of my spoken English because people always say that my accent is mild and easy to understand). My mind says people won’t focus so much on my grammar since, well, spoken language is a tiny bit different; but I always try to do my best anyways. My problem is that I keep focusing on my mistakes and obsessing over all the things I need to improve. Hugs!
Tris, sweetheart, you will always have love and support here… Idk what to say about all of this but your strength and courage is something I wish I had…. Thank you for being there for me.. For us..
You could use other methods of freeing yourself from that trap. Get out of that situation and be free! Sounds like you are over 18 and have the ability to do it. I hope it all works out for you.
Thank you, Stiyls. That’s what I’m trying to do… I have a job, and I can’t wait to be done with university. I don’t want to leave now because I don’t make enough money to live on my own, and my mom wouldn’t allow me to return home (my stepfather doesn’t live with us anymore). I’m trying to hold on… Hopefully things will work out, but I need to win this battle against myself first. Sometimes I think I won’t be free because now I’m trapped in my own past and mind. But who knows… Maybe I will. Hugs!
My heart is with you. You’re so strong. I hope you sleep well. Letting out the memories does help. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. My mind is blank but I feel your words.
I had an imaginary friend too. She was a 6-foot tall blonde named “Laura.” She was everything I wanted to be. It’s amazing how our minds will find ways to cope with pain. I don’t think it’s embarrassing; it’s beautiful. 🙂
Thank you so much for everything. <3 One day that house will be a distant memory, and you'll create your own beautiful home with a big garden and as many cats as you want. Good night. 🙂
Knowing that people like you exist is enough to make me think this world isn't that bad. You're always so kind to me, I'm very thankful for having you in my life.
My imaginary friend was a dead poet from the mid 19th century lol (I wasn't allowed to read "modern" literature). The only few good things about those two years were that I improved my drawing skills, improved my English and read a lot.
I can't wait to have a big garden and cats… I even have the name for my first feline friend, heh.
You're always in my heart.
Sending you many hugs (to you and Laura as well lol) x
It would be great if you can hang on till that day when you can get out of there and out on your own. I also hope that you will give therapy another chance, so that when you do get out of the house, you can leave the bad memories there and not take them with you.
Thank you, 1bigzero. That’s what I want; leave the past behind. I’m doing my best to make things happen for me and eventually get out of the house. I know I need therapy, but talking face to face about my past is a challenge that I always try to run away from…
I’m so sorry I was so late in reading this love… You are one strong woman, love. Probably the strongest person I know. You are a survivor… and I pray with all my heart you will soon be able to escape into your real life; the life you deserve to have, one filled with love and laughter and light.
And don’t be embarrassed about your imaginary friend… I had to conjure up one of sorts while I dealt with everything I went through. You are still here with us, and that’s all that matters. I hope you got a good nights sleep 🙂
Thank you so much, take a deep breath. your words mean a lot to me, honestly. that’s okay if you were late, sometimes I reread my posts and think about my life, which is what I’m doing right now, so I had the chance to read your comment. I’m glad I did. hugs x
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After reading it all, i guess all i can say is that i really hope one day this is just a distant memory from an almost different life for you. Goodnight, hope you sleep well.
Thank you so much, Mf. That’s what I want the most… I hope you slept well, and have a great day today.
You’ve suffered through so much. You said you want to know you are not alone and have support….we might not be there in person but this community at sp is here for you. You are important here. Wanted and needed. Hugs.
Thank you for your words, Whispers. Yes, you guys are not here in person, but I do feel the love and the support. I am really do. That means a lot to me, hugs back x
I love you, my sister.
Please please know that when you stood up for yourself the chance that the same thing would happen to someone else was decreased. You started affirmatively saving lives on that day. Only you will ever be able to judge if the pain was worth it. I wish you could see the invisible ripples that your stories and actions have had on others. I wish you could measure the pain that is NOT present in the world because of you.
Have your body donated to science. Don’t give the nutters the pleasure of their small minded tsk-tsk-I-knew-there-was-something-wrong-with-her grief party.
Better yet, live to be a ripe old age with 666 rad tattoos and a best selling tell-all book.
Your choice. No pressure.
Lol I love the idea of getting 666 rad tattoos and writing a best selling tell-all book. Hopefully my mind and heart will let me live a long, interesting, happy life. Thank you for your words… I think that deep down inside my heart I know you’re right. A few weeks ago one of my good friends said I need to go to the police someday and tell them what happened. I don’t think I’m ready to do that. Idk if I will ever be ready, but I know I should do that to save others. Ily too, many hugs x
“I did what I had to do to survive” Absolutely right. Completely, one-hundred percent right. That is nothing to be embarrassed about.
I can relate to so much of what you said, perhaps not to the same degree but yes, I understand.
Every time you put into words what happened, no matter the form, and even though it’s a *would rather be covered in flesh eating beetles while a clown sings ‘Friday’* experience, you weaken its power, even just a little.
“I think my suicide will be unplanned.”- for all of my thoughts, I think mine will be too…
I feel affection and admiration for you, never pity.
“I just don’t want to leave my online friends wondering why I never talked to them again. I don’t care if I’m morbid; I just want people to have the answers they need” That’s not morbid, that’s very considerate of you.
You shine. <3
Your English was fine, btw.
I’m sorry to hear that you relate to some parts of my past, freeroma. Yes, I don’t want to leave my friends hanging, wondering why I’m not talking to them anymore… I really care about them. Some are members of this community, so I know my death wouldn’t be so shocking, but I don’t want to leave them with doubts and unanswered questions. Many hugs <3
PS. I just read my post and I see a few words and typos I want to fix lol… But I won't because you said I'm fine. Hehe, thank you.
🙂 I hope one day you will be able to put up a post with a title that means the opposite of your tag name, and in it you will write how much better your life is. Hugs, as always, returned.
Thank you, freeroma <3
After reading this. I imagined you, an old lady, reading this post and laughing out loud.
Goodnight Tris!
Lol, I don’t think I will laugh like that in the future, but I just laughed now reading your comment. Idk why. You’re adorable, Darvin. thank you.
There’s something… surreal about people involved in things like this being heavily associated with churches or largely strict moral-based institutions. Say what you want about the good they can bring, there often seems to be a layer of corruption underneath. But then, I suppose that’s true for most things.
All I can do is the very basic and somewhat futile thing of saying that I wish things like this didn’t happen. I don’t blame you for keeping and considering the possible uses of that knife, either. Not one bit, although it certainly would have been a tragic end to things. Or to you, specifically. I don’t think I’d be concerned about how tragic his end was.
Also, your written (typed) English is better than a good deal of (possibly most) native English speakers, so I wouldn’t worry about it.
I’m glad I didn’t use the knife either… I can’t even imagine how things would be after that, especially if one of us had survived. About religion… I just want to stay away from religious people and churches. Honestly, I’m glad for those who have good, positive experiences with them and feel “god” in their lives — but I don’t. That cult was like a prison based on lies.
Thank you for the compliment. Funny, I feel really comfortable when I’m speaking English (I confess I’m proud of my spoken English because people always say that my accent is mild and easy to understand). My mind says people won’t focus so much on my grammar since, well, spoken language is a tiny bit different; but I always try to do my best anyways. My problem is that I keep focusing on my mistakes and obsessing over all the things I need to improve. Hugs!
I love you Tristy i just blew up your kik with messages you’re incredibly brave and strong.
Thank you, don. I loved all your msgs, they brought a smile to my face. We will talk soon later today. Ily too x
Tris, sweetheart, you will always have love and support here… Idk what to say about all of this but your strength and courage is something I wish I had…. Thank you for being there for me.. For us..
Thank you, mindless. That means a lot to me. You will always have my love and support too. Many hugs x
You could use other methods of freeing yourself from that trap. Get out of that situation and be free! Sounds like you are over 18 and have the ability to do it. I hope it all works out for you.
Thank you, Stiyls. That’s what I’m trying to do… I have a job, and I can’t wait to be done with university. I don’t want to leave now because I don’t make enough money to live on my own, and my mom wouldn’t allow me to return home (my stepfather doesn’t live with us anymore). I’m trying to hold on… Hopefully things will work out, but I need to win this battle against myself first. Sometimes I think I won’t be free because now I’m trapped in my own past and mind. But who knows… Maybe I will. Hugs!
My heart is with you. You’re so strong. I hope you sleep well. Letting out the memories does help. I wish I could give you a big hug right now. My mind is blank but I feel your words.
I had an imaginary friend too. She was a 6-foot tall blonde named “Laura.” She was everything I wanted to be. It’s amazing how our minds will find ways to cope with pain. I don’t think it’s embarrassing; it’s beautiful. 🙂
Thank you so much for everything. <3 One day that house will be a distant memory, and you'll create your own beautiful home with a big garden and as many cats as you want. Good night. 🙂
Thank you, Hiohneh <3
Knowing that people like you exist is enough to make me think this world isn't that bad. You're always so kind to me, I'm very thankful for having you in my life.
My imaginary friend was a dead poet from the mid 19th century lol (I wasn't allowed to read "modern" literature). The only few good things about those two years were that I improved my drawing skills, improved my English and read a lot.
I can't wait to have a big garden and cats… I even have the name for my first feline friend, heh.
You're always in my heart.
Sending you many hugs (to you and Laura as well lol) x
It would be great if you can hang on till that day when you can get out of there and out on your own. I also hope that you will give therapy another chance, so that when you do get out of the house, you can leave the bad memories there and not take them with you.
Thank you, 1bigzero. That’s what I want; leave the past behind. I’m doing my best to make things happen for me and eventually get out of the house. I know I need therapy, but talking face to face about my past is a challenge that I always try to run away from…
I’m so sorry I was so late in reading this love… You are one strong woman, love. Probably the strongest person I know. You are a survivor… and I pray with all my heart you will soon be able to escape into your real life; the life you deserve to have, one filled with love and laughter and light.
And don’t be embarrassed about your imaginary friend… I had to conjure up one of sorts while I dealt with everything I went through. You are still here with us, and that’s all that matters. I hope you got a good nights sleep 🙂
Thank you so much, take a deep breath. your words mean a lot to me, honestly. that’s okay if you were late, sometimes I reread my posts and think about my life, which is what I’m doing right now, so I had the chance to read your comment. I’m glad I did. hugs x