Im 21 male, living with parents, emotionally disconnected from everything, get anxiety attacks but i can control it so others don’t know. and have massive depression from when I was a kid, its getting a lot worse now.
Im getting frustrated, i tried partial suspension first two times then full suspension but chickened out after 3 seconds, then partial again.
idk what to do anymore, I’m 100% going to find a way to die for sure but i cant get my body to go through with it. I even tried getting drunk yesterday by drinking a whole bottle of vodka, ended up puking and falling asleep. btw I don’t drink at all, this was my first time drinking ironically.
My backup is skydiving w/o a parachute, but id like to avoid that if possible, seems a bit overboard.
13 comments
Hi, tryingtoend43. I’m sorry about your situation. Anxiety attacks and depression are something that I can empathize with. From personal experience, the combo can be heck.
Are you seeing a psychiatrist or therapist? It could help you work through some of what you’re experiencing. Perhaps refocusing your energy on what you enjoy and establishing some goals could help you move forward. At 21, you have a lot of years ahead of you. With some time and effort, things could be dramatically different in a few years.
Sometimes you need to be your best ally. If you maintain your hope and determination, you can often do a lot in life. Don’t give up.
I agree 21 years leaves many things, experiences that are unexplainably beautiful, to not be had. One of my biggest regrets is that I did not hear what someone older was trying to say. It’s cliche but true for me. Life is pain and difficulty about 85%. At least in my opinion and right now. Ask me in a few days. But if you can reach for something else instead of the next ” partial” you may get to experience such things.
But shit what do I know. I came here for the same type reasoning. It just sucks to hear the grip of depression on the younger people.
Tryingtoend, gosh you sound like you are in so much pain. I am sorry to hear your attempts failed.
Maybe if failed so you could meet us and work through this? You walked just far enough in your life to meet the people here who have their hands out saying “take it, we will listen”.
Hey hazy, I’m sorry I’ve taken up so much space today. I have seen that you are a light for some. I just had a bit less of a screwed up day and shared. Maybe too much. I’m glad your here for us either way.
You do know you are on Suicide Project and not the Oscars right? There is no “wrap it up” music here on SP. Please feel free to open up a can of crazy and share. I’ll be around most of the evening with my pez dispenser of complete nonsense.
Where can I find a pez dispenser like yours? :(. Not sold on Amazon, I checked.
Here’s the thing. I might wake up tomorrow and this all will be gone. So much silk through my fingers and I will be left sad and baffled that a veil has dropped over my eyes.
Lol. Thanks. I do like the pez. I was just telling a friend about the site. Someone who has dealt with this stuff too. I’ve been looking for a place to share pez. And get some.
Tryingtoend43 hope you are still here.
I really hope this is helping Tryingtoend. Where chatting away and no chime in from our host.
I’ve tried to hang myself multiple times i didnt have access to full suspension hanging just partial. I understand how you feel being emotional disconnected from everything its really tough. Before you do anything please seek help first you owe yourself that. You owe yourself as much love as possible.
1. Seek help
2. If all else fails, research your method carefully. You don’t want to end up even worse than before