Hello.
I’m still alive.
It’s been a while since the last time I posted here and to be quite honest I thought it was because I was getting better but I think that’s just a lie I keep telling myself so I don’t try to commit again. Lately I’ve been feeling quite down and have (LITERALLY) no friends to vent to and before this becomes into something more than it should I decided to come back and just, if not vent, at least just .. write .. about anything and everything, if that makes sense.
It’s going to be the anniversary of my last attempt and I feel kinda proud cuz I haven’t self harmed at all since then. I can’t say that I don’t think about killing myself again, because honestly, I do. Every single day. Yet it hasn’t come to a point that I’ve planned what I want to do and stuff like that. I mean I have an idea of what I want to do next, if it comes to that point, but who knows.
Also I’ve been feeling quite lonely, especially since I have literally no friends like I said before, and still single. I’ve been dealing with my self image lately but it’s really hard when you’ve been dealing with an eating disorder for more than half your life and you’re still not as pretty (thin) as you’ve been wanting to be. It’s even harder because this past year things were somewhat good but since I haven’t shown much depression “symptoms”, which is what my mom likes to call it, my family is still acting the way that they know hurts me yet they don’t give an actual fuck.
And it’s even harder when I have no one to vent to, hence me being here once again.
So please forgive the somewhat long rant and look forward to seeing more of me, because classes are starting again next week and I need all the venting I can possibly can for me to not try to kill myself once again.
3 comments
Don’t feel the need to be sorry for getting things off your chest. A little catharsis is never too much to ask.
Congratulations on the year without self-harm, as well. I offer you well wishes for the next year.
You are beautiful to me. I have also been dealing with depression and also had somewhat of an eating disorder. I know what you’re going through. Know that I am here for you – I understand you. I’m really proud of you for posting what your feelings are. Is there a counseling office at your school? If so, it might be helpful to go see him/her. Everything you talk about is confidential, unless you tell them that you or another person’s life is in danger. Maybe you can also look into taking anti-depressants – they are VERY helpful. Medicine and therapy combined can really do wonders. Also, there’s hotlines that you can call; a popular one that I know of is called Teen Line. You can call and talk about anything – trouble with friends, boyfriend/girlfriend troubles, suicidal thoughts, etc.. They are there to listen and give excellent advice. It’s a toll free number and you can call as often as you want. There’s also suicide hotlines, like this one that I just found online: 1 (800) 273-8255.
You are so valuable. I want you to be happy. If you need anything, please don’t hesitate to email me: frozenmangos1@gmail.com
Stay strong, beautiful girl.
<3
Also I’M your friend. Don’t forget. There’s many out there who love and care for you. <3
Stay strong beauty.