Everyday I wake up trying to predict my day as being good/average, yet it always turns out to be bad through complete isolation, random stressers appearing out of nowhere, and deception from practically everyone I meet in society. Why are there so many Hippocratic values being expressed by such inconspicuous people, for when I attempt to befriend somebody natural instinct and hormones take over their mind and they become hostile towards me when all I want to do is make a friend. All of my old friends have betrayed or disappeared on me when I need them the most, which is during this unpredictable time. My house is sometimes full of people I know nothing about and have no desire to speak to because of their values being so radicalized and primitive compared to those of my own. I don’t like to drink or smoke because my health won’t allow it, and these seem to be key elements to socializing with people nowadays . Its so hard to find a friend that, throughout my entire life I have yet to find a friend that will stay. I feel so betrayed and ostracized by society that it creates a feeling of despair that drains me everyday. I have little fight left for it refuses to cease, and continuously I am placed in undesirable situations by family through financial and social burdens. I don’t even know if i’ll ever get out my mother’s house even though I am only 19 because of non-liveable wages and stress causing me to forget priorities during my day(s) off. As Emile Durkheim suggests in sociology when one’s life becomes unpredictable he/she considers suicide and having attempted it many times before in various ways I find this interesting yet sad, for I feel as though I am sumo wrestling on top of a wobbly frisbee in air. I just don’t know where I will fall, nor when I will, but time is flying by quickly…
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6 comments
That’s an interesting analogy. . . “sumo wrestling on top of a wobbly frisbee in air.“
You seem very mature for 19 years old. Maybe you can meet a genuine friend through common interests. What do you like to do? What interests do you have?
I liked that figure too, just picture it ^_^
I practically had to raise my siblings children which I guess forced me to speed up the development cycle. I love to play sports and workout, play video games, speak about the mysteries of the universe and come up with wild theories about what we are and dwell on the beauty of the new untouched frontier, and I believe walk around at night time because its so quiet and peaceful outside and come up with said theories. I don’t like being in crowds (4+ people), or drinking/partying because I don’t see it productive because I won’t even remember that time. I am interested in space, math, chemistry, fitness, and I suppose that’s it.
The last part of this answer is great. I mean your story is interesting and it’s the background for what you are telling.
But knowing that you like the things you like is the best refuge you can ever get in life, and those subjects in specific may give you hundreds of things to think that are worth thinking of. It’s great.
Thank you, and yeah the topics are very broad discussion topics, but not socializing has of course taken a toll on my social skills such as speech so i tend to say stupid things like today when I was in the gym I asked two other guys who were working out what their opinions of the Presidential primaries were, and I neglected the fact that they had their earphones in and instead of blurting it out again, so I just shut my mouth to avoid further embarrassment. Not socializing for a long time has taken a toll on my skills, but hopefully sometime soon I will work them back up to before my crisis. I would like to thank the both of you for the responses and the help of establishing a place for me to write when I am down, as this is my first time here, so thank you.
i used to think that having friends is wonderful but i thought that because i could never have them today, i still cant have them but i dont care. maybe you end up like me someday. realizing that people dont matter anyways.