I feel like I don’t really exist. I feel like an asshole everytime I do anything, whether it is right or wrong. I can’t do anything. I don’t want to do anything. I want to do something. I have to do something. Is living that something? No, it couldn’t be. I don’t deserve to live. I don’t deserve to die. I don’t deserve anything. Everyone always gives advice, but it’s shitty and never works. I can’t believe that I actually trusted them. I can’t believe that I trust myself. I can’t believe I don’t trust myself; if anyone is going to protect my self-interest, it will be me. I can’t protect my self-interest because that will make me an asshole. I’m an asahole no matter what I do. I keep fucking up, and no matter what decision I make, it will be wrong. I am always wrong. Why do I keep trying? Why don’t I keep trying? Why am I here? Am I here? Does anything matter? No matter what I answer, I am wrong. No matter what “good thing” I do, I always ruin it with more mistakes. I glorify myself too much. I don’t give myself enough credit. I hate myself too much. I don’t hate myself enough. I’m useless. If I were to leave, my family would need extra help. I can’t even gwt along with myself. I get along better with myself than I do with anyone. Only I understand. I want them to understand. I’m glad that they don’t understand. Simple things are keeping me alive. Simple things are killing me. Why? Why not? What is wrong with me? I’m hopeless. I’m hopeful. Kill me. Help me. End this God-forsaken life of mine. Help me stay on this earth a little longer.
I don’t know what this is. It’s a pile of shit. I’m sorry.
7 comments
Sending hearts and smiles… I hear you.
Thank you. I’m not sure if it’s a good or bad thing that ssomeone understands, but thank you nonetheless.
Stay and fight. You’re worth it, you just dont really know it. YOUR opinion on that is all that matters.
It’s not a pile of shit. It’s thought in its purest form. And that has value.
I hear you, AKidWithAName. Keep fighting.
everyone deserves life… god is just stuck in traffic getting it to you… don’t worry, it’s on the way <3
When you are obese you can see the extra fat in the mirror. If you want to lose weight there are well documented things you can do.
I wish negative thoughts were visible. You and others could see the “I’m useless/a fuck up” thought attached to you. People who care would tell you that you are ok/normal and it would shrink a little. You could look in the mirror and focus your attention on it. One day it would fall off like an old scab. You would remember how ugly it looked and you would make sure it didn’t come back.
That would be cool. On the other hand just about everyone would look fucking hideous.
Thank you all for the kind words. I wish I could sound more grateful right now, but my words are failing now. Thank you, thank you, thank you. You all restore my (limited, but existing nonetheless) faith in life. Thank you.