Friday the Thirteenth
A good day to die. I’m ready. I know everything is too far gone. I know this moment has been the fate I’ve been delaying
for eight long years stuck in this disconnect. Once you lose your personality, soul and mind there’s truly nothing left.
It’s a solid three second drop into some broken concrete and rocks. Probably around 60 feet up. Need a running start — fly
like an eagle type thing. I just want to start a new life. Reincarnate. Jumping into a bed of concrete is a gnarly way to
go but I figure it’s the only way to feel proud about my death. Fuck hanging cause my mind is already so suffocated and
claustrophobic. Jumping gives the illusion of freedom and a final sense of release. I need that. I need release. Time makes my
skin crawl. Closed casket because my body is going to be fucked. Gruesome. Everything is ready. No backing out now. Nothing
left for me here. Only the good die young they say. 27 club is so elitist — at least I’ll own that. I want it sober. No
easy way out.
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4 comments
Hi killswitchon. Thank you for leaving the commemted on. I wanted to comment on your last post but understand why you left them off. You seem to be in an awful place lately. I’m not going to say it gets better because you already know it just gets different. I’ll offer no empty platitudes either. I’ll be around today on and off if you feel like venting.
Didn’t you go to another country to teach English? I thought you were doing good because I didn’t see you post after that. And yeah karma and reincarnation. If you go out this way you might come back with a similar set of circumstances that may lead you to this point again. That’s why I’m glad I never took my life. I tend to believe we live more than one life (a person can’t possibly learn and experience everything they need to in one life) and I wouldn’t want to come beck again to reach a similar point so I could make a different choice.
I think about all the pain I’ve dealt with and it would have all been for nothing. Apparently you don’t get credit for the pain of a previous life and you have to start all over. It’s sort of like having to take a class over again but hey sometimes the pressure becomes too much and people do what they have to do. I just don’t like the idea of the pain I’ve went through not being able to carry over to another life so I can pick up where I left off and have those experiences under my belt. Instead I’d have to go through all this shit again and that’s one thing that’s kept me here sticking it out.
Hey Gary I really like that idea. It makes a lot of sense.
@HDS – I know, right? Now there is a thought to ponder on. Wise words @Gary555.
@Killswitchoff – All the best to you. I hope which decision you make will be the best for you. Although I encourage you to stick around and take the steps required to re-direct your life into a better, more welcoming path, I understand each one of us processes life our own ways. Take care.