Possible problem.
Last night I logged off and went to bed hours earlier than usual. I laid there and cried for what was probably an hour before falling asleep.
When I woke up today, I found that a friend had emailed me 20 minutes after I’d logged off. The email was brief and very desperate sounding, begging me to be there and answer. This friend has been in a suicidal mindset for quite a few months now; possibly even longer. Lately they’ve gotten more and more serious about it.
I feel awful that I didn’t catch their email last night; usually I AM awake at that time but last night I wasn’t. I was struggling with my own depression, crying in a dark room.
I’m afraid that they might have gone ahead and finished things. I haven’t heard from them since.
Although I realize that suicide is a personal choice for which we all carry individual responsibility, I will still feel guilty and tormented if it turns out this friend is dead now because I wasn’t there to help when they needed me.
4 comments
You shouldn’t feel guilty… depressed people all have their own pain to deal with, and the main mistake one of them can make is expecting someone else to be there for them at any time, and always be their emotional support. I’m not suggesting that’s what this person wanted of you, but it would be irrational of anyone to depend on you so much that you were their last hope, if you know what I’m saying. (Even if you were dating/in a romantic relationship with someone, they still shouldn’t act like you’re their only lifeline.)
It’s fine to reach out to others when one is feeling low, but one has to accept that people will have other things going on, or might be in a dark place themselves, and unable to assist much, and/or didn’t see any messages until the next day.
Everyone on this website, including you, has a personal life IRL, and if you’re not being paid to be an on-call therapist… don’t worry about it. Be there when you can, but don’t stress over needing your own space.
(Hopefully your friend is ok.)
All that makes perfect logical sense, yet I still feel as if I have been negligent.
If it turns out that this person is indeed gone, I will always remember the part my absence played.
Hey there. I’m just passing through.. Have been quiet for a while..
I felt the same way when GT sent her last few messages to me earlier this month….
I wasn’t awake at the time and she was looking for me. Even though I wasn’t gonna change her mind, I can understand how you feel.. I felt guilty.. She repeatedly said that I was her only friend..
Now here I am, not a freaking clue if she is alive or not… :/
You must take care of YOU first, which you did last night by listening to your body and going to be early. Not your fault. Just think of all tye other people you have helped or made laugh on SP.