I’m really sorry to anyone who wastes their time reading this, so I’ll try to make it short.
I am not a necessity, nor a nicety, so why do I continue to roam this bloody earth in hopes of finally being wanted. I’m not wanted now, I wasn’t wanted in the past, and I can’t help but think that I won’t be wanted in the future. I’ m a liar, an accident, an attention whore, a know-it-all, and just an all-around piece of shit. Why am I even still alive?
If it’s not a problem for anyone reading this, would you tell me if, from what I just said, I sound like a valuable member to this planet? Do I honestly sound like I am someone you would want in this world?
My two ideas about suicide are this; killing myself would be taking care of this world’s biggest problem, but it’s also ending my suffering, which I most certainly do not deserve. I don’t know what to do anymore because I literally feel like two different people, both sadists, who are deciding the fate of a mistake of a human being.
The only thing I’ve ever done in this world is defend my pride, and it has ruined me, my family, and my friends. Does anyone honestly think that I’m the kind of asshole you would want in this world. Outing myself would be the first (and only) kind thing I’ve ever done for anyone or anything. I’m screwing loads of people over by simply being alive, so what does it matter how much I love life? I don’t deserve to be happy, I don’t deserve to have an opinion, and I don’t deserve to be alive if it’s literally screwing everyone over.
I said that I was going to make this short, so I’m sorry for lying. Please don’t bloody forgive me, I don’t deserve it.
2 comments
I struggle with similar feelings of not being wanted.
As for your question: Yes, I still see you as a valuable member of society. You are articulate and intelligent and capable of voicing an opinion.
All the “negative” character flaws you perceived (liar, attention-whore, know-it-all) are capable of being changed for the better, even if it involves a lifetime of trying.
Everyone has a place in this world. We all have flaws and i have more than most people.You have family and friends so that is something worth living for even if you might have ruined your relationship with them. My family is the only reason i stick around for a little while longer. And you don’t have to apologize for your post.