one year and a half ago a dude touched me and i really hated it, hated him, hated myself for letting him do that to me
so five days later i took like 50 pills but then i got scared and called an ambulance and i still hate myself for doing that i probably would not have dies anyway but i made myself just a really silly person and noone took me serious
however one year later i was kinda raped because i let him do it so its not really rape but now i want to die as well i am really desperate
y didnt i die one year ago? i really suffer from depression and i have no friends at all so noone who encourages me to go out or smth i dont know where to go i somehow dont belong anyway i hate the place where i live and when i have motivation to do something my paretns wont let me so i willl stay isolated like forever because i really cant find no friends i am a horrible person
2 comments
I’m certain that you’re not a horrible person…. (sorry for arguing with you) It’s really upsetting to hear that you were raped, rape is not at all a fun experience…. 🙁
When I was 12 year old boy, I “allowed” my similarly aged cousin touch me. I knew his advances were sexual, possibly inappropriate, but I was desperate for approval.
In the end it wasn’t a big deal because I didn’t feel like it was a big deal. Crazy shit happens and sometimes you can move on. Sometimes not.
I’m not saying our situations are precisely analogous. It sounds like your encounter was with someone who had considerable power over you. You did not give positive, active consent so it was definitely rape and was NOT YOUR FAULT.
Who you really are is who you are inside, not what has been done to you. Don’t let the actions of others define you. Seek help. Don’t be afraid to talk about it. This is, sadly, a common occurrence and therapists have good tools to help you cope.