Adult Struggles

Just had a situation recently that made me ask all the same questions. Applied for a job, first time I’ve tried in a while, and they actually called back. Proceeded to have anxiety attacks about just needing to call them back, asking myself if I could really imagine going back to a full time job, etc. I made it through one phone call and we left it that I would get back to them about if I wanted to come visit and tour the place. I was proud of myself that I managed to call and figured I had a few days to think. I slept late the next day, and when I woke up I had missed another text from someone asking if they could call me. So I freaked out all over again. Long story short I emailed them to basically say they should focus on the other people who applied and that I was backing out. And now I sit here and wish I hadn’t. I went from wishing I could undo the first email where I sent my application, to now wishing I could undo the email where I said never mind. My fears got the best of me. Social anxiety. Avoidant personality. Whatever it is. I lost. Now I just have one more thing to be ashamed of. Life offered me a chance to act like an adult again and go do something that would be good for myself. I ran away.