Depression vs Me

I like to be creating things, always thinking of weird bizarre maybe pointless but beautiful things. Things don’t have to have a point to be doing them, I do it because I like it. I like hanging out with my friends, even the ones that you can only handle in small doses. Going to parties, spending time with my family, cooking, and gossiping. I go to church as often as I can and say my prayers with hopeful eyes cast at the paintings. I dance around with my music turned as loud as it can go. Try to find ways to sneak out of the house and plan small adventures down to the lake in the night or downtown to get lost. I’m there for my mom, my dad, and my sister. And though I procrastinate my school work always gets done, I want to learn, I enjoy it. The bed is always hard to depart from in the mornings but there is always something to look forward to for that day. I have a happy busy life, because I have a busy mind, and people who I love always surrounding me.

But Depression, has its own mind. Everything is pointless. Everything leads to oblivion. Friends and family are exhausting. Its work to smile, to converse, to laugh. Church is repetitive and lonely, and god feels farther and farther away. Hope is painful. Music pulls me further into the pit. School is just another disappointment. Depression took my determination. My bed is my coffin, in which I hope not to wake from. And yet everyday I keep waking and my body feels like lead. Depression let my friends and family down. No calls, no visits, I want to disappear. Depression has my voice. And I can’t imagine I’ll ever be me again.