kamehameha

so. i guess, if i’m totally honest, what i want is sympathy. yknow? after so many therapists and psychiatrists and doctors and nurses being clinical, treating this all like it’s normal because they think it makes me feel better, i’m really tired. i once told a cousin of mine that i’d purposefully burnt myself and i regretted it once it started to blister, she said “oh, you poor thing!” i think about that a lot. we weren’t even sitting near each other, but all it took was for her, who was going through something similar, say something small, for once treat me like the kid that i still really was (and am, if i’m honest), to wake up this ache. ever since i was really little i’ve been told i seem much older than i am and that stopped being a compliment when i was 8 and instead of hugging me my mom started telling me about her marriage problems and asking for advice. which, i don’t blame her for. she was lonely and she didn’t do anything wrong, but somehow i’ve ended up lonely too. i guess i just wanna tell someone how i’m feeling and instead of them saying “i feel ya” i just want a hug or some shit yknow? bleck