I really have no idea what is wrong with me! im extremely suicidal. im lost. i cant find myself. i wrote a poem about my past. this is my first time on here. i struggle a lot. i want to share my poem.
You know how it feels when someone betrays you? The bursting anger. The heat you feel when tears are about to fall. The lump in your throat when you want to scream? I feel that. I’m petrified to move. To speak. To breathe. I only feel safe here. I’m so tired of being hurt. Of being left behind. Playing with my emotions like a toy. My own thoughts turn against me. The voices in my head scream for my attention. Can’t focus. Can’t function. Mental breakdowns are nothing new. The white ribbons across my wrist beaconing for companions. Maybe just one. The scars deep and meaningful. Every slice is a memory. Cigarette burns down my inner thighs, marking his territory. My body. His playground. My children. His punching bags. I scream for him to stop, but too weak to move. No food. No nourishment. Just sitting. Watching in horror as my precious little angels join Jesus in his kingdom. Hating everything about him. About myself. I’m miserable every single day. I try taking my own life more times than I can count. I take the pills. I slit my wrists until I can’t even sit up anymore. I slowly die. But wake up and start all over again.
im ready to die. im ready to take my life. im so sorry im such a fuck up. im taking my life. im not wanted. im not needed. no one listens. no one cares. im lost and cant be found. broken and cant be fixed. im done.
3 comments
It’s quite clear what’s wrong with you, it’s that vile piece of shit disguised as a human that you live with, or hopefully lived with. There’s always someone that will listen. The people here on SP, loved ones, and therapists. Just reach out for the support. It’s clear that you’re in dire need of it. O and if you still live with him, and I really hope not, go to the police. With the stuff you’re telling, he’ll be slammed so fast into prison, that he’ll be someone’s ***** by teatime.
There’s a song you might like… it’s by Joss Stone “Bruised but not Broken” I think you might enjoy the message in the song. I know it has helped me with different situations. Another good one is ” No more Drama” by Mary J. Blige. Sometimes there won’t be people there to understand but it’s the best time to start to understand your own self and start loving yourself more.
I tend to avoid all people.. But, if i were to give you an advice coming from a loner like me, maybe it won’t be of much help. ill say it anyway: leave him. do it for nobody but the safety of your mind first and foremost. its your mind, reclaim it.