Still In Hell And Going No Where Fast

Well I still have the mark on my right eye that i mentioned in my last post.  My depression has hit rock bottom and so has my self harming. Gotten to the point that I actually can not leave my bedroom in the morning with out putting on make up to cover it up. Otherwise people start questioning or snickering behind my back. But thats nothing new.

My stomach has been killing me lately due to the stress and  me not being on my bc meds ( long story). Causing severe cramps and pains randomly through out the day. My appetite has also officially gone to hell.  I haven’t ate much at all in the past 72 hours except for a piece of grilled chicken and  a banana with peanut butter.   Maybe its a sign from god telling me to loose some weight off my ugly ass.

I have been trying my best to cope. But sex isn’t sadly doing very much.  Shopping has helped but I sadly have limited funds. 🙁 ( i ended up borrowing $60  from my sister without her knowing but what she doesn’t know wont hurt her right?) Music hasn’t really done anything either. Starts sounding all the same after a while.  Though watching videos from my favorite youtubers like markiplier etc.   has helped me a little bit. To bad that smile on my face doesn’t last though. Once the real world shows again and back at my issues where I started wanting to go away and disappear forever.    I have had enough. Don’t go telling me things are gonna get better blah blah.  Cause I know better and things are always gonna be hell. As long as i’m still alive.