My life was never good. I can’t think of something great that has happened. I can’t help but think “why am I not dead yet”? I’ll tell you one thing, I can’t kill myself. I’m too weak. It’s not going to happen. I honestly do not know how to format this. I apologize. I’m stuck in my mind. I really am. It’s scary and I don’t know how to express myself. If I speak about wanting to be dead to anyone, they’ll think I’m crazy. I’m so familiar with therapy and haven’t gone for quite some time now. I don’t come from money. My mom already struggles enough with me medically and I don’t want to see her throwing away more money towards someone who might not even make it. I have no friends. I mean, I talk to people but we aren’t close. I just want someone to suffocate me. I’ve been weaker than ever. My summer has been wasted. I have summer school for three classes and my classes closes in about half a week. I don’t think I am going to graduate. I am beginning the road to failure, I am a failure. I hate wearing this mask like everything is okay. I’m not okay. I am far from it. How could anyone love a mess like me? I am unstable. The people that mean the most to me, gone. I guess I should have already came to conclusion that I will never be like everyone else, I will never have friends, and I will never find someone who loves me for me. Whats wrong with me? I can’t help but feel different, like I don’t belong. I can’t relate to others. I am nothing special. I am…I am a waste of space on this planet. There’s a track near by…train usually comes every other day or so. If only I were brave. I have my mind set on asphyxiation. Fun word, probably one of my favorites. At least my tears are dried now.
I’m sorry I wasted your time. I feel better now. Thank you for reading.
If you could, leave some advice for me down below. I’d really appreciate it.
15 comments
Hey I could really use someone to talk to… can we talk?
Here, i believe feeling like this is normal, but transient. Train tracks and bridges affect people who need not to be involved and thus I personally do not suggest that. You will already be leaving a scar in the hearts of those who love you, why involve more people? At least your mother loves you, she is doing everything in her power because she believes in you. MMeh I’d say just set a goal and go for it, you already want to die might as well do something whike you wait for that to happen. If it is dangerous, guess what? It might just kill you. So yeah
If that were true…
She only does things because she is told to. Do I feel the love? Nope. NOT ONE BIT.
I absolutely love my family. Yes, I have thought about them. It’s not enough to make me stay though. We’re all already distant from each other. If I left, I know it’d hurt them. They’ll heal though. They’re much stronger than me and they only care for a little bit. They’ll talk more crap than anything else, I know them too well. The only one I really worry about is my younger brother. Somewhat similar to me. I love him so much, but as said, not enough to stay. We’ll all be gone, our fates the same.
Thanks for commenting, I appreciate it.
Also I meant to comment not reply to you sorry
I’m somewhat new to this site, I don’t know how to use it to its fullest.
I don’t even know if PMs are a thing here.
I mean, I think that would be good for the both of us. Though I don’t know how to contact you.
Just focus on your academics, and do the best that you can do. Thinking that you’ll fail and doing nothing about it, isn’t very productive. On the friends matter; take your time, it isn’t a race to see how many friends a person can get. Take your time and find people that you click with, and that you can trust. It’s far better than just befriending every person that’s convenient, which can result in toxic relationships. O and being like everyone else is anyway not possible, because there isn’t something like “everyone else”. There are many people who get it easy in life, but there’s also a lot of people who get hammered in varied ways, everyone’s different.
Also, this wasn’t a waste of time. This place can be a great place for venting and seeking support, so no post is a waste of time.
If it were that easy, I’d do it. I know what I have to do, I just don’t have the strength for it.
I’ve come to accept the fact that I’ll never have true friend, for everything is temporary. It’s fine I guess.
I might come off as a “know-it-all” and I apologize, but I’ve been told everything you’ve wrote. I thank you for responding. It does mean a lot to me, thank you.
I have more to say, but it’s not worth hearing and repetitive.
Thanks again, SadPotato. 🙂
Few things in life are easy, it’s rarely as simple as looking at something and “doing it”. Also, it’s understandable that you’d feel that you don’t have the strength for it, considering your state and the thoughts running through your head, but you’d be surprised at how much strength you possess.
Everything is temporary, that’s the nature of life. However, you’d be surprised at all the instances of people with life long friends, or on the other hand, people who meet their best friends until late in their lives. There are few things we can truly be certain of in life.
That’s completely fine, having already heard things I said doesn’t make you a “know-it-all”.
Well, if you have more to say, feel free to share anytime you like. If it would help you to share it on SP, it’s definitely worth hearing.
No problem.
yOU ARE NOTHING
I AM NOTHING
NONE OF US ARE ANYTHING
WE ARE ALL FU**ING PIECE OF SHIT SO TRY NOT TO THINK TOO MUCH OR WORRY TOO MUCH
ITS NOT VERY HARD TO MAKE FRIENDS
DONT WORRY
YOU JUST NEED SOME GOOD PEOPLE IN YOUR LIFE AND YOU WILL BE GOOD
I know already. Thanks for the reminder! :))
I do and don’t worry. It’s complicated. I’m complicated.
I see where you’re coming from. Thanks though.
you’re welcome and try to join gym
it helps me a lot
Sweet Jesus. Zaccy I know you’re trying to help, but trying to push nihilism onto people looking for help isn’t the best of tactics.
i dont know what you’re talking about and i dont care about tactics
I see myself a lot in what you wrote.
The people who mean the most to me, relating to others, having real friends, not belonging, coming off as a know it all when people give me advice that I already know won’t work.
I haven’t found the answers yet. Maybe I never will.
Refraining from explaining myself is a common occurrence, as I have found that in the great majority of cases, it won’t help.
I don’t know how to help you. I hope that you find what you are looking for.
well that’s normal we all want to die! and we all have problems! but it’s Sunday! i think we deserve to take the day off! and do something we like to do! just an idea?? 🙂