My parents never talked to me and dismissed my problems because they are too perfect for their kid to have flaws I guess. I am a weird kid. I never kissed a girl, never had friends, never had a childhood and I guess I never grew out of it.
A new employee at work is a girl who is the friendliest person I ever met. On her first day she introduced herself to me and she seemed genuinely interested about me and she was smiling. She always smiles. Few days later a coworker told me that she said that I’m smart and nice.
She is my cure for all the years I’ll never get back. I feel like she is my last hope to be happy. Feeling her affection for me is what I imagine heroin feels like. I felt like my life is wroth living and there is something worth getting up for. I was desperate to talk to her as much as possible and see her all the time. Progressively she became more and more weirded out by me and I feel like she started avoiding me.
I am on my vacation time right now. I can’t stop being obsessive about her. I look around myself all the time in hope that I’ll see her walking the street and check the plates on every car in hope that I’ll see hers. I want to surprisingly run into her so I can see would she be happy or sad to see me. In my head at night I imagine all the scenarios where I just tell her everything and she lets me put my arm around her showing that I’m a human being worthy of love. I know that she would be repulsed if she knew how desperate I am and rejection would kill me as she is my last bit of hope.
I can’t handle being distant from her anymore so I followed her home from work and sat in my car in front of her apartment for hours. In the small hours I got too tired to not fall asleep in the car because of all the nights I didn’t sleep before that and so I came to the entrance and rang her three times on the entry phone just to hear her voice. I guess I waked her up and she said “Hello” in a tired voice and than even more silently “hello” again. I stayed silent and went home. I think I’ll come back in front of her apartment today and record her voice with a phone so I can listen to it
7 comments
SERIOUSLY? THAT DONT SOUND GOOD. AFRAID THAT SHE’LL WALK AWAY BECAUSE OF THE YEARS OF DEPRAVATION YOU’VE HAD? FUCK THAT HEARTLESS *****. YOU DESERVE SOMEONE WHO IS PROUD OF YOU. SORRY BUT IM JUST FED UP WITH THESE KIND OF PEOPLE. THEY CAN GO DIE.
Obsessions are dangerous. Especially when you are already comparing this girl to heroin. Well you know what heroin addiction causes people to do and the effect it has on their lives. You should probably talk to a therapist before things escalate too much.
I can never be obsessed over a girl because I know how cruel and heartless they can be. There are girls like that even on SP.
Ookay.
i’m gonna say a few things.
the title? yea, selfevident.
obsessions can be very dangerous. and making any one person your hope, your reason to live? it’s a bad idea, not to mention a terrible burden and bound to end in despair. especially when you are expecting a stranger to carry it.
you’re on vacation time? i suggest a detox. focus on other things. good rule of thumb when interacting with others.. if you wouldn’t like it done to you, don’t do it to them. shame and guilt are not always bad things, sometimes they are true indicators that what’s happening is wrong.
Do Not go to her apartment again. definitely do not record her voice. you followed her home without her knowing, that’s not right whatever happened to you.
try to stay grounded in reality, not a fantasy, please. there is nothing wrong with wanting to connect with others and feel important or needed to someone. but you’r at the point where it’s getting out of hand, and blown out of proportion. You have the ability to stop, alright?
i’m gonna end this by sharing something. i knew someone once, she once hid in the backseat of an ex’s car for.. can’t remember how long, but he drove awhile. she went nuts over him. that was years ago. now? she’s married to a different guy, in a healthy relationship. i say this because well it’s what you’r post reminded me of and we all have the potential to go pretty crazy, but that doesn’t mean it’s permanant.
anhedonic has good advice.
“She is my cure for all the years I’ll never get back. I feel like she is my last hope to be happy.”
It is too much of a burden to put on anybody; unless they are your parents and even then, that’s pushing it.
Following her around, ringing her apartment, recording her voice is going to cause your to loose your job, get slapped with a restraining order or land you in jail.
I can’t understand completely how you feel but I can imagine the effects of being so severely deprived of affection and as you already know, loosing your ability to provide for yourself and possibly your freedom will only make it worse
I kept reading this over and over.. I wish I knew what to say. Being rejected is terrible.
Just because someone is nice to you doesn’t mean that they like you. You seem to have convinced yourself that she liked you at some point, which is probably why you think you love her. You can’t love someone if you don’t know them. Please, seek professional help. I’m seriously concerned that you are going to hurt this woman. I understand that you feel something for her because she gave you attention, but it really seems like you’re going into the mindset that she should belong to you. If you think she’s avoiding you then you need to stop all contact with her. This will end badly if you continue down this road