I want to be hugged, kissed, held just to be touched. But it’s the most painful thing for me to do and no one seems to understand that. It all feels sexual to me and disgusting and unnecessary. I’m sure that this all stems from being molested as a child. I wasn’t ever raped just touched inappropriately by older males so I really don’t get why its affecting me this much. I just imagine trying to date and not having an explanation as to why I don’t want to hug or touch. All things sexual bring the greatest feeling of disgust and sin and disappointment. Males tend to be sexual around me and I don’t know why, I dress conservatively and still. I feel like I am marked and every one can see that I’m some piece of flesh to be used. I can’t see what I’m doing wrong. I lose faith each time and I start to think that there are no more good men left in the world. I want to believe that I can have a family a future with a good guy but it’s getting harder to maintain that believe when I’m surrounded by a negative reality.
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3 comments
I feel bad that you feel that way. I’m to surrounded by a negative reality 🙁
It’s understandable if you feel uncomfortable, and weird-ed out, if some guy is trying to feel you up, or is even just initiating contact that you don’t want. Also, it’s definitely not your fault if men are trying to make unwanted “advances”, that’s on them, and it’s disgusting. Don’t lose faith, there’s a lot of assholes in this world, but there’s also a lot of good guys out there. Just take your time, and find the one for you.
Ideally, the male should let you initiate physical contact on your own terms. Whenever and however you see fit. If one cannot rise above their animalistic nature in order to cope with your needs, then maybe they are not worthy. It takes resolve and most people lack such a trait. Nevertheless, things will work out. Don’t blame yourself for being special ^^