The end is nigh

So the state refuses to fix my insurance. In 4 days I won’t have any. Cancelled insurance at 32 1/2 weeks pregnant.

I won’t be paying medical bills back because I don’t have an income of any kind. I’ll just have to deal with collection calls and letters until they give up getting money from me and put it as a charged off account on my already very poorly rated credit.

This also means I won’t be able to get any kind of postpartum care. Good news is that I’ve already accepted I’ll be a depressed woman with no safety net.

At least I know even at my worst my kids will be safe from me. I’ll just quietly go alone.

After reviewing what I still don’t have for my child, my boyfriend treating me just like my soon to be ex husband (he finally filed for divorce woo), and knowing for sure I’ll have no insurance I’m clinging to one thought for my sanity tonight.

I can kill myself after my child is born.
I can finally leave this life.
After 16 years of being suicidal I can finally take care of myself.

Of course there’s some other nasty twisted thoughts but none of which are as wonderful as I can finally die before October of this year.